Calwell

 I went to an apartment near Calwell Pond to know what it was like to live in the past. And by exploring deeply and honestly reveal the state of myself , even of my future. The spark that ignited this journey: the meeting of two people who exist in both the world of past and present, my ex and myself. Three years of desert separated us and yet a flood, appearing from neither side, came down to wash over all things. So, to Calwell I go to look for the source of the torrent, perhaps the source of all things born from what we call the heart. Answers cycle through my thoughts but in truth they are as infinite as rays that can be drawn from a single point or more appropriately back to it. But as I wait for this prologue to close I can’t help but harp on what answers might appear. Where did this wave of emotions come from? A past of shared experiences, the familiarity of intimacy, unfinished business, the excitement of doing something socially wrong, a biological need, a longing for the past. But I do not wish to be who I was those years ago nor do I wish to see her as she was then. No, rather I’m excited by the possibilities of who we are now. We are two adults new to the world looking for all the answers but instead being presented another question; the question though so direly requiring an answer. So I put aside my other queries of life for five days. Five days to find out the source of this emotional state. And to do so shake the very grounds where this newly formed oceans rests. To let the waves churn and crest above us, swallowing and spinning us naked, intertwined in weightless chaos. And in that messy, suspended state catch a glimpse of truth to pull us out or crack the very bottom and drain into the abyss.

In this moment it is the churning of oceans that truly draws me.

(PS: Thoreau is amazing)