Calwell: Epilogue

It’s been more than a week since my time near Calwell pond. I find it funny to read the posts that I wrote when I was there. (Although they've only gone up now they were almost entirely written on my phone walking around Calwell.) Sometimes I believe my pondering is on the right track, sometimes not. But I'm glad that it all reads truthful and from the moment, to me. I went into those five days looking for definite answers and even now I'm still not sure what I've got.

Since I've been back we've stayed in touch. We talked a lot about our time together and a bit about the future. Our mutual curiosity still leads us to discussing our daily lives. It’s nice to again have someone to converse with about the little things and let those conversations grow into more meaningful talks, especially when that person knows me so well. There is something to be said for having an intimate female in one's life, some undeniable perspective shift like that which led me to all this writing. And although she has stayed in my life, she is in no means holding me back or taking up an otherwise empty seat. Quite the opposite, there is something liberating about it. I can breath easier knowing a small fraction of my emotional wants are satisfied. It lets me see the things yet to be satiated, it takes a layer of fog off of things. And if it starts to turn the other way I know I'll have to separate myself again. Being comfortable with only her would be a mistake although it is tempting.

We've talked about seeing each other again. Of holidays or trips that might overlap. Hoping a little too much that they aren't too far in the future. That might be the nature of things from now on. Our live separated by geography and the formalities of other relationships. It'll be a comet, a joyous and mystical event. And although we may not be fully aware of its significance we will go great distances and gather to watch because it is rare. Because somehow that time when it is burning over us is precious. In that bright isolated state there is magic. One day it may fall to the ground or fly out of orbit forever but if we're lucky it may shoot over her life and my life (and this blog) a few times a year.