2014: A Look Towards A Brighter Future, A Better Me

So, I've been thinking:

How depressed have I been over the past few years? Answer: pretty fucking depressed. But where does this depression stem from? Answer: myself.

I am the driver of my own existence. I make my life as happy or miserable as it is. But why have I been doing this to myself? My guess is laziness. My guess is fear and anxiety. My guess is because I am self loathing for no reason other than I want to seem humble.

Two years ago we tried No Douche 2012, which didn't work well. We tried it, we douched it, but it was a good guideline.

Last year we tried No Hate/No Regrets 2013. I can say I tried as hard as possible not to hate, but towards the end of the year, I began hating everything: my lack of intimacy with human beings, my lack of drive to go out or even do things in my regular life. But this means that I failed at No Regrets 2013, arguably the most important part of the 2013 creed. I regret not doing anything. I regret having hate towards the end of the year. I regret a lot of things.

So where does this leave me? Page 1. Book 2. It's time to start over and begin the rest of my life.

2014 should be the year of a better me. I have so many vices I need to get rid of from my life: social anxiety, laziness, fear of failure, lack of self motivation. The list goes on. I hate that I have become this person. I need to break my bad habits and create good ones. I need to stop smoking so much (both weed and cigarettes). I need to read and go out more rather than playing video games or wasting time on the internet. I need to connect with more people on intimate and deeply psychological levels. I need to put myself in situations that will make me be on my toes, outside of my comfort zone. I need... I need...

I need to feel like I'm making progress, being the me I want me to be.

I need to look at this post tomorrow, a month from now, a year from now and think, "I am living up to my own expectations. I made a promise to myself and I kept it."

I will be less self conscious. I will check my Facebook less. I will be more in tune with the world around me. I will be more open and outgoing. I will masturbate less. I will smoke less. I will drink less. I will waste more time. I will make a name for myself.  I will be more positive. I will be the man I want to be. I will create. I will workout. I will cook for myself. I will be healthier. I will get paid. I will connect with more people around the world. I will step out of my comfort zone.

I will love my self for who I am and who I want to become.

I will be a better me. I will make 2014 a positive experience .

I am a better me.

Come along for the ride.