Hardships of online dating (A little live blog in comments)

As many of you know, over the last few days I have signed up for online dating websites Plenty of Fish and OKCupid and have starrted sending out messages and filling out my profile. I know online dating  might seem desperate and a place where you will find really weird people but my coworkers who do it encouraged me to join. I decided why the fuck not, I mean clearly what I have been doing the past 23 years hasn't really worked out so this can only be positive.

First hardship: What body type am I? That's a question that you have to fill out on your profile and it gives you a list of options. I was conflicted, am I thin or athletic? I worked out a fair amount over the summer and can keep up in playing sports so does that make me athletic or do I need a certain amount of fat/muscle to be in this class? I'm probably more thin than athletic but I figured it would be better to put athletic to get more girls so I did. Sue me!

Next hardship: What to say in the first message? This is really fucking tough. At first I tried out my coworkers method of just spewing a whole bunch of girls with a copy and pasted message that said something along the lines of "Oh hey you look really cool, message me if you want to talk." I didn't get any hits with that and it felt lame. Also most girls have in their profile  that they want a guy that can make them smile. I consider myself a really funny guy, funnier than most, like I could join the Mensa of funny, but it's all very situational humor so to say something funny online like a one liner is very hard for me. But I gave it a shot.

Here are my two best lines:

-To a girl who said in her description to only message her if you don't live with parents, don'ts stay at home during weekends and like sarcasm. "So I live with my parents, I stay at home during weekends and hate sarcasm..." I thought that was pretty good and I got my first response off of it which said "Gross." I gave a response to that and she hasn't messaged back.

-To a girl who said that she had a very low voice and to not let her cutesy pics deceive her. "I've got a very high voice so don't let my extremely masculine pics deceive you." Now I thought this was gold, fucking comedic gold. My best line so far which brought up hardship number 3.

Hardship #3: Fucking patience. I have messaged about thirty girls in the last few days (that's just on OKCupid, which I think Im going stick with) and had only gotten one response until last night. I'm not one to be patient with these things and I start looking at what I'm doing wrong because clearly there is something I'm doing wrong if I'm not getting any answers. I didn't get angry but I was just stunned that I hadn't gotten a response from the girl that I sent the high pitched voice message to. And OKCupid lets you know when someone took a look at your profile and she had. I figured the relationship was already over so I sent her another message to bring some happiness to myself.

It said "Wow, that was my best line so far and i got no response, that's a big blow for me haha." Now I thought this was kinda funny and wouldn't look as creepy and maybe get her to take a look at my profile again and fuck it the chance with this girl had passed anyways. She looked at my profile and didn't send a response. But little did I know, I already had it in the bag.

She responded with "? I was going to respond and say you seem like you might be a cool dude. Don't take waiting so harshly."

Fucking A man, I can't catch a fucking break! My message was on point and I just didn't wait long enough! This is some bullshit!  If she doesn't respond to my apology message for coming off as an asshole message I'm going to be so mad. Not to be that person but I have to say it: Story of my fucking life.