Here I'd like to segway into comparing what my expectations were to what the experience was actually like. One thing that scared me was the thought that I wouldnt be in control of my body or mind, and I'd just be tripping balls in some crazy hallucinated world. It turned out to be nothing like this. I never felt like I wasn't myself, and I never felt like I was out of control or even thinking too wildly. For example, after I played with the blackberries I still had the presence of mind and control to grab some moist paper towels and wipe up the floor where they had spilled. Also, as far as hallucinations go, I never saw anything that wasn't really there. That's not to say my vision was normal. At certain peaks during the trip I would get what can best be described as echo-vision, where as things move they kind of leave a trail of copies of themselves. Also, the texture on the tiles in the bathroom looked like it was kinda swirling about slightly above the floor. But that was as crazy as things got. When I had talked to someone at a party last week about shrooms, they said I wouldn't like all of it but it would still be good. Well, it turned out that every minute of the entire night was fantastic. Even though it was my first time, I felt as if I had been in this state before, and it felt very natural and easy.
Another thing I had heard previous to my experience was that some people have some kinda "religious experience" or feelings of deep bliss. I did experience something like this. I had plopped down on Mary's bed face down because it looked very comfortable. Mary's bed is separated from the rest of the apartment space by sheets hanging from the ceiling, so its very cocoon-like. There was some cool song playing (from Coraline I think), and when I talked, my voice echoed through the bedsprings and sounded big and echo-ey and everywhere. I forget my exact train of thought, but I think I was just appreciating how much fun and openness we were all sharing, and how everything was all this energy creating an infinite environment that is the universe, and how even in the smallest, most insignificant item you could see a part of this universe, a part that had come to manifest itself in this point in time, and it struck me that everything was beautiful just inherently in the fact that it is a part of this universe. Anyways it was something to that effect, and as I was thinking it I had started laughing, because here I was lying face down on a bed and just feeling unbelievably happy, so that was funny, but as the thoughts kept going through my mind while I lay in this heavenly cocoon, the laugh kinda became partly a really happy and grateful cry, and it was kinda both, and then I remember hearing myself sigh, just at how beautiful everything is. And I was lying there on my side at this point, and a tear broke away from my left eye and slowly made its way across the bridge of my nose, down towards my other eye, and I was just sitting there in what I guess you could label as a state of bliss, but even just putting a label on it feels like I'm detracting so much from what I felt, but anyways I was just lying and feeling the tear make its way across my nose and thinking about all that the tear meant to me personally, and what all tears mean. So I don't know if you want to call it a religious experience or not but it was really a moment of understanding and love if you want to throw that word into the mix. The guy from Radiolab was talking about how it was really hard to find appropriate words to describe it and I'm kinda of experiencing that now. So I'm just gonna move on to the next thing...
No comments:
Post a Comment