A Moment In Time: Texas-Time with the Bros

Presented by Senatorcam™

I've been inspired

Recently, I feel, I haven't had the will to create. I really haven't felt creative in a while. Yeah, sometimes I shoot things and sometimes I can get really creative with cameras and lighting, but it hasn't had that fulfilling creative effect. I haven't really been inspired by anything in a while and haven't had anything to put into an art form to show the world a view of itself.

Currently I am taking classes at Emerson for Summer Session I. I was pretty pissed about taking them, but they are necessary so I can stay out in LA after Fall 2013 and start the rest of my life. The class that has taken me sort of by surprise is my Contemporary US Theatre class. I haven't really studied Theatre since High School, but I have always enjoyed it. Of course they started with my favorite movement as the first assignments.

I had to read the classic Absurdist play "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf" by Edward Albee for class. I was reading the play on my iPad and I was being sucked into the text. I haven't felt like that in ages. And I realized, I love the absurd.

Absurdity has been a part of my life (and our lives) since we were children. I grew up on absurd cartoons like Rocko's Modern Life, Angry Beavers, Johnny Bravo, Spongebob, and Looney Toons. I've been watching shows like Aqua Teen Hunger Force and South Park all my life. I recently have been watching more and more absurd comedies like Arrested Development, 12 oz. Mouse, Wrong, and Pain and Gain.

I'm realizing that most of the media and entertainment I love has been absurd. From Vonnegut to Hedberg, and Dupieux to Python, I have had absurdity in my life since as long as I can remember. And it's time I played what I've been dealt.

I've finally been inspired to create. I've had ideas kicking around my head but had no way to get around them. I've had one film idea that is a short that would be part of an anthology with over arching themes that I have had no inspiration to write. But now that I have this class and now that I am realizing how much I love comedy and especially absurdism, I think it is time to finally explore this thing I know best rather than trying to think of gritty dramas or things of the such (they become so cliche). Absurdism is an outlet for me to express myself (and my distaste with the reality around me). I like to think my comedy (and our comedy) has been more on the nonsensical side and it's really been an inspiration.

Today in class as we talked "Zoo Story" and "Virginia Woolf", I could only think of ideas to write about. And that is what my challenge to myself is for the rest of the summer. I now have two ideas that I can research and begin writing; one is a short and one could be a feature. I really need to do research and I am not ready to formulate the ideas on this blog, but as soon as I begin working on these ideas, you will all be the first I call for advice and help.

All I gotta say is that I haven't felt this good creatively in a hell of a long time. I feel like I finally have a grasp on the world around me, or lack there of.

It's time to stop asking "why?" and answering with "why not?"

I Also Took A Trip Part D: Art

I thought I'd put in a little blurb about how tripping impacted the experience of art.  When I went to draw, like everything else that night I was just experimenting.  And for the first time in a long time I was just drawing and fully enjoying the process, with almost no concern for the final product.  The final product would be a genuine result of the time I spent putting my pastel on the page and exploring what I could do or what I wanted to do with it.  It wasn't something I was trying to force to happen and to be a certain way; it would end up the way it would and that would be the art.  As for music, a lot of what we listened to was instumental, and it felt right.  Normally I'd be bored with just instrumental stuff, but instead I accepted it as part of the overall environment and when we went to listen to one of Brandon's tapes, we briefly contemplated whether we needed to even turn off the background instrumental music that was filling the room in order to enjoy listening to some songs on this little tape player.  Later, we were listening to some radiator collective songs by a really chill dude who I've met a couple times.  When his songs were on, it felt like he was right there in the room with us.  One song really expressed some deeper thoughts that he'd been having, so it fit in with the night's theme of talking out thoughts, and when that one played it kinda felt like he was exposing his mind and touching ours at the same time.  His other song just kinda expressed his style really well and painted some cool images.  Both generated some incredible 3d images in my mind's eye.

A Moment In Time: Josh talks about pissing

It's nice. He's usually talking about shit-taking.

I Also Took A Trip Part C: Drug Dependency

This is something I've been contemplating for a while, and as such I brought it up and talked about it during the trip, and it's still on my mind now.  Because there is a paradox here that deserves exploration.  Basically the thing is this: whenever we party, or hang out, it's almost always funner when there's weed and/or alcohol, and of course in this case shrooms.  Sometimes this bugs me.  During the trip I could bring up literally anything on my mind and explore it and talk it out with my friends.  Why can't I do this normally?  I think maybe the reason I don't is because I have inhibitions that make me worry about other people's judgement of me if I bring up certain thoughts or ideas, or say certain things.  So I end up struggling to find anything interesting to say, and sometimes my thoughts are going through a filter.  And of course I don't know for sure, but I get the sense that a lot of other people definitely do this too. (We all know the difference between an unfiltered drunk person and a filtered regular person.)  So this leaves me with this image of a bunch of people going around, having all these thoughts, and theyre afraid to share them because they think they'll be judged, so they're stuck with all their thoughts just circling and building in their own heads. And this could of course just be me projecting myself onto others but whatever.  The point is that people put up walls, and that drugs have this power to totally remove these walls.  So in this way of looking at it, drugs are a tool that wouldn't be so necessary if we didn't let our fear of judgement silence us.

But at the same time, in the case of weed and shrooms, these are just things that grow in the ground.  They just grow naturally, and when you put them inside you, you feel more understanding and/or happy.  So why would this be wrong?  And maybe putting up walls is just how the human brain operates naturally in our environment, and these natural substances can give us this power to see these walls and to break through them.

Anyways, I'd like to know what y'all think about this, because I feel like I could be completely off base and just projecting my own issues of worrying what others think of me onto everyone else.  In which case I'd like to know.  This was something else we talked about a lot; projecting our own artificial images onto other people, maybe in our desire to connect more, maybe other times to feel superior to others.  And we sometimes do this instead of allowing ourselves to see people as what they truly are.  Anyways I think I need to talk to/really listen to people more to flesh out this idea.

Friday Night After Drinking With John and Suja

Just checking in

So first and foremost, jesse's and Adrian's multiple part posts have been awesome. Done the blog proud. But seriously, I'm really really enjoying them.

Just a quick check in. I got all four of my wisdom teeth taken out yesterday morning, and my mouth is still swollen. Apparently I was so fucked up after the surgery I tried to dance with all the nurses, and after one rejected me I said, "ahh you can't dance anyway!". I made it to the car with dads help, came home and passed out for 3 hours. Yesterday was kind of a blur. Today I bought a game called called "faster than light" through steam and played it for 7 hours. Tomorrow I gotta start memorizing lines. My diet consists of jello, pudding, mashed potatoes, and apple sauce. Hoorayyyyyyyyy

I Also Took A Trip Part B: Expectations vs. Reality

Here I'd like to segway into comparing what my expectations were to what the experience was actually like.  One thing that scared me was the thought that I wouldnt be in control of my body or mind, and I'd just be tripping balls in some crazy hallucinated world.  It turned out to be nothing like this.  I never felt like I wasn't myself, and I never felt like I was out of control or even thinking too wildly.  For example, after I played with the blackberries I still had the presence of mind and control to grab some moist paper towels and wipe up the floor where they had spilled.  Also, as far as hallucinations go, I never saw anything that wasn't really there.  That's not to say my vision was normal.  At certain peaks during the trip I would get what can best be described as echo-vision, where as things move they kind of leave a trail of copies of themselves.  Also, the texture on the tiles in the bathroom looked like it was kinda swirling about slightly above the floor.  But that was as crazy as things got.  When I had talked to someone at a party last week about shrooms, they said I wouldn't like all of it but it would still be good.  Well, it turned out that every minute of the entire night was fantastic.  Even though it was my first time, I felt as if I had been in this state before, and it felt very natural and easy.

Another thing I had heard previous to my experience was that some people have some kinda "religious experience" or feelings of deep bliss.  I did experience something like this.  I had plopped down on Mary's bed face down because it looked very comfortable.  Mary's bed is separated from the rest of the apartment space by sheets hanging from the ceiling, so its very cocoon-like. There was some cool song playing (from Coraline I think), and when I talked, my voice echoed through the bedsprings and sounded big and echo-ey and everywhere.  I forget my exact train of thought, but I think I was just appreciating how much fun and openness we were all sharing, and how everything was all this energy creating an infinite environment that is the universe, and how even in the smallest, most insignificant item you could see a part of this universe, a part that had come to manifest itself in this point in time, and it struck me that everything was beautiful just inherently in the fact that it is a part of this universe.  Anyways it was something to that effect, and as I was thinking it I had started laughing, because here I was lying face down on a bed and just feeling unbelievably happy, so that was funny, but as the thoughts kept going through my mind while I lay in this heavenly cocoon, the laugh kinda became partly a really happy and grateful cry, and it was kinda both, and then I remember hearing myself sigh, just at how beautiful everything is.  And I was lying there on my side at this point, and a tear broke away from my left eye and slowly made its way across the bridge of my nose, down towards my other eye, and I was just sitting there in what I guess you could label as a state of bliss, but even just putting a label on it feels like I'm detracting so much from what I felt, but anyways I was just lying and feeling the tear make its way across my nose and thinking about all that the tear meant to me personally, and what all tears mean.  So I don't know if you want to call it a religious experience or not but it was really a moment of understanding and love if you want to throw that word into the mix.  The guy from Radiolab was talking about how it was really hard to find appropriate words to describe it and I'm kinda of experiencing that now.  So I'm just gonna move on to the next thing...

The Haitian Sensation Part 2: Luxury

The flight was early. It took me all night to gather the gear and test everything, leaving me only an hour to sleep before the taxi arrived. I loaded up the taxi and when to pick up (lets call her) Lauren. After a long wait, she emerges and we lot her two enormous bags, one of which is filled with children’s clothes and shoes for a school. In the cab is the first time we’ve met so we talk and get to know each other. We’re both exhausted so eventually we slip into a sleepy, understanding silence.

LAX. We’re late! We’ve missed the check in time. The woman behind the counter tells us we’re very luck. She’s covering for the manger so she can override the system to get our bags checked and our boarding passes printed. She tells us to sprint to our gate. I grab my bag, ready for a stressful security check. Lauren looks at her watch, looks at me and nonchalantly says, “I think I have time for a cigarette”. Who am I to argue? We hang outside for a few minutes, giving zero fucks about the urgency of our flight. We talk about music, continuing to get to know each other.

Once finished, we make our way through security and to our gate. We walk straight on the plane, the last ones to board.

Now, I’ve never flown first class. So, for me, flying means a certain number of things. Its mean a general pain in my legs and back from lack of movement. It means restless sleep and tiny battles for the neutral arm and leg space. It means a 1 in 10 chance of getting motion sickness with all the cold sweat and agony that goes along with it. First Class flying is something else. First Class means drinks before take off; all the space you need to spread out and make yourself comfortable; full meal service with trays of mimosas floating by. It means enough space to put your luggage up without a struggle. It means no stress. If I could I would do this for every flight and now that I’ve had a taste of it, it’s hard not to want it again.

The last leg of our flight was an hour and a half. I’m lounging and enjoying myself. All I can think about is how much I’ve enjoyed these little pleasures and how nice it would be to live this relaxed all the time. No stress, feeling taken care of and important. I remember being in Mexico last year reading a script on a white day bed, drinking pina coladas enjoying the sea breeze. The type of relaxation that shuts down the rest of your brain only leaving the pleasure center working, pulsating out good feelings.

The crack of the pilot’s mic breaks my fantasy. I hear the pilot say, “we’re going to be making our dissent into Port Au Prince” and I start to remember. I’m going to Haiti. All the research I did on the country starts to surge. It tells me: Haiti is by far the poorest and most troubled country I’ve ever visited. The rate of crime is staggering, after the earthquake all the prisoners who weren’t crushed, escaped and took shelter in tent camps with the rest of the refugees. They regained control of gangs and now use the camps as their bases. The corruption is terrifying. Politicians use gangs to bully illiterate, scared masses into giving their vote. Their justice system makes ours look divine. A person can be arrested without cause and thrown into jail without even knowing why. In Haiti they have mandatory jailing for those waiting to see a judge but the courts are so backed up and backwards that it can take 5 years to ever be charged. Kidnappings are frequent. There is huge political and social unrest that can explode into violence any day. Cholera, mosquito born disease are the most common illnesses available. Scenarios rush through my head. Suddenly I don’t feel so comfortable or taker care of or important. I’m just scared.

I Also Took A Trip Part A: The Scientist from Massachusetts

Thoughts and Notes

Last Friday night I did shrooms with Brandon and Mary. It was exactly what I needed.  It was essentially just hanging out with all walls broken down and we just talked about any and all thoughts we've had, and we told stories and joked around.  Brandon and Mary and I have really similar experiences with the world and life and other people, and it was amazing to share all these frustrations and just knowing I'm not alone on this.  Anyways, I'll try to outline the different effects and lessons I learned.

being connected to energy/experimentation/exploration: 

One of the first things that happened once we were all fully tripping was that Mary broke out this crazy sand/playdough type of stuff.  Basically it was sand that becomes playdough if you squeeze it, but if you release the pressure then it just kinda crumbles back into sand.  I put my hands in it and picked some up and squeezed it into dough, then let it crumble away.  It was crazy. It was too much.  I felt like the sand was me and it was melting my mind. I recoiled, laughing my ass off at how much I couldn't handle this sand.

Brandon, who for some reason has always read information about what is happening, explained how a lot of people who do shrooms say that what can freak you out is anything that responds to energy as if it is the energy…he described it a bit better, but the point is that I was aware of energy as I haven't been before.  I could feel the energy of myself, and all of its potential for movement, and the energy that any object has inherently from the fact that it is matter composed of atoms.

This all made me really curious of everything.  I could look at any object and observe and explore its texture and weight and shape, then see the things I could make it do with my energy.  All these attributes were interesting, whether it was a rock or cool crystal that formed naturally, or a crayon or something man-made like that.  How were they made or formed?  How did it feel to roll it around in my hand and toss it up and down?  If I let it slip onto the floor, where would it end up?  How would it roll?  I became aware of how cool all these possibilities and variety are, and how random and by chance everything is, kinda like Jeff Goldblum talking about chaos theory in Jurassic Park, and how the universe is all just random energy effecting itself in random ways.

Essentially I became a scientist.  Everything was questioned with "Why?" Through this lens, all the events that we would consider inconveniences or problems in our normal waking lives melted away and simply became observable events, events I could impact and take part in instead of thinking of it as a problem.  Two examples: I was experimenting with the sensations of hot and cold water in the bathroom and i accidentally put my arm down on the sink.  It got wet, and my first reaction was the normal "dammit, now I'm wet."  But immediately I had to question this thought.  Why was it bad to be wet? It's just a different sensation from dry, and it will go away in minutes. (This leads me to a quick tangent; everytime any of us went to the bathroom, we would have that time to get lost in our thoughts for a bit and everytime someone came back from the bathroom, they would bring with them a new thoughtful question or concept to talk about. So I came back to the living room and asked, "does anyone else have a primal urge to avoid being wet?" and we talked about it for a while.)

Anyways, I was giving examples as to how I was observing and deconstructing problems.  The second example was when we broke out some blackberries to eat.  We each grabbed one, then Mary dropped the box.  There were blackberries all over the kitchen floor, and Mary was upset that we couldnt eat them.  But I knew that by dismissing this as a problem we would miss the opportunities that these spilled blackberries had provided us.  As with the rest of the night, I wanted to observe, so I got us to try to find patterns in the blackberries, like finding constellations in the stars.  We agreed that there was some kind of bird shape going on.  In addition to observing the environment, it was really stimulating to interact with the environment and effect it with my energy, so I started moving the blackberries around.  I tried to make a picture of myself out of the blackberries and discovered it is difficult to make picture of something skinny with such a fat medium as blackberries.  Eventually I made the blackberries into a little island and pushed it off to the side.

The Haitian Sensation Part 1: Disclaimer

Disclaimer: The names of people and/or organizations have been changed to protect myself from saying something stupid about someone I work with on our blog.

Also Disclaimer: Some facts may have been changed do to a false memory and/or in order to make a better story. But when you think about it, memories aren’t really fact based anyway; they more deal in feelings and images. But our reality is shaped and built upon memory.  So really, what is a fact. My perspective is only one version of these stories—the validity of which is only determined by the reader’s personal narrative and a well-written disclaimer.  But even this disclaimer is subjective! Disclaimers are meant to make you aware of the circumstances you are about to encounter so you can better enjoy an experience. But who am I to try and mediate your experience with my stories. I can’t control your perception and to try to do so must stem from some sort of insecurity.

Not Disclaimer: This story is exactly the way it is and was always going to be, as is your experience with it; unless of course there are alternate universes.

Disclaimer for Alternate Universes: Depending on how you experience the world you exist in, these stories might seem very strange to you. If there even is a you. Maybe you experience things as a collective, you is we and all things. In that case you; my stories; your experience with it; and this disclaimers are all part of the same consciousness. Making this disclaimer just as much a story and experience as anything else. So this disclaimer is really a story. And a story is really your experience, which is a collection of memories. So disclaimer is just a memory, which is everything.

Commencement blog

I'm bored as fuck. They just keep calling out names. How did this ritual begin? I imagine there used to be way less people. After a certain amount of people it just becomes undeniably boring as fuck. Like is anyone not bored right now? I feel like you have to be bored. It's just how the human mind has evolved. There is no survival advantage to sitting here for hours listening to this bullshit, so our brains make us bored so we will actually go do something. But we've trapped ourselves in; it would be "improper" to leave. Which is simply bullshit, we're animals and we can do whatever we want.
Anyways, hopefully this will wrap up soon. Very, very soon.

Golden Moon is back

Adrian and I just had a stellar Golden Moon session. In about 3 and half hours we recorded the base for 2 full songs, one written by myself and one by Adrian. Adrian is going to go home and take those tracks and add bass, synth, horns, bells, etc. We'll post the finished products soon.

He just left to go meet Brandon to do shrooms. I made him promise to make an effort to post on the blog while fucked up.

woooo

9 union days down and they just hired me as a full time set lighting technician for the rest of the show when I get back on the 21st!

Franklin and Red

Adrian and I were chillaxin on the common, eating some subway and discussing fond memories, when we were approached by a goofy lookin guy with gelled hair and an old army coat. He enthusiastically squats down in front of us.
"hey guys," he says, "I'm not trying to get weird with you or anything, but would you be willing to give me 5 dollars if I can properly guess where you got your shoes, [something else], and [something else--I can't remember but it's irrelevant]. Then I'll buy a joint and smoke it with you guys."
Adrian backs out, but I'm curious and the joint potential wins me over, so I'm like yeah sure. He proceeds to tell me that I got my shoes on my feet, and a bunch of other bullshit that ends with me giving him 5 dollars. Then he runs off to get some weed and papers.
Just as I begin to think im never gonna see this dude again, he's back. And he has a friend--some Irish dude with red hair who introduces himself as Red. Easy. The other dude says his name is Franklin while Red proceeds to roll a fat j. We smoke and shoot the shit. Red yells to another one of his friends to give him his "hack." we later find out this is a Hackey sack and that Red is really good. But we never get to see him hack because Red is also really high.
After they left we enjoyed the full beauty of Boston, walking through the gardens, lying on the esplanade watching sailboats, and lovin the beautiful weather (it was like 75 degrees or something perfect like that).
Anyways I guess the moral of the story is that sometimes getting swindled out of 5 bucks can actually make your day even better. Or that weed is really nice. Not really sure but I guess you can decide. If you read the whole thing--my phone makes it look really long so I hope it's not too long. I guess to wrap this up I'll just throw down a picture I took when I was in this awesome blissful state yesterday. Peace bros.

"did someone just put a cock in my mouth?"

-Argentina

Poop Dreams

I'm not really sure how many people I have told the poop dream story to but I'll just do a little recap before I get to my actual story.

As you all know I have had some really weird dreams throughout the years, mostly sexual and erotic and weirdly violent. But the dream that I had on one night in Los Angeles was just plain strange. It began when I was making my way to my front row tickets to a basketball game. It was two of my friends (I cant remember exactly who) and I and we were all enjoying the game when I got the sudden urge to poop. Hmmm I thought, I need to poop. I guess I will take a shit right here on the court because thats what you do when you have to take a shit. So I then made the decision to take a poop on the court. The deed is done and life seems to go on as always. Next thing I know though, one of my friends asks me, "yo did you just take a shit on the floor," to which I confidently responded, "Yes, yes I did." He was stunned so he proceeded to explain to me that I should have gone to the bathroom to do that. I then realized that he was right but what the fuck was I going to do, I mean the shit was already on the floor. I got very self-conscious and embarrassed as more people began to notice and say shit to me to the point where I finally woke up.

I didn't want to think much of it since I have had some fucked up dreams before but this one still stood out. Then last night, it happened again, not the same dream but the same set-up.

This time I was at a beach with my whole family. My parents were there, my brothers were there, my cousins from argentina were there. Pretty good start to a dream, if I can say so myself, but things got ugly quick. I was chilling on my beach chair talking to some family members when it happened again, I gots to poop. My next thought was therefore where shall I take this shit to which I responded, right here in my bathing suit. Fuck it, soon enough shit was in my bathing suit. But it must have been less than a minute before one of my uncles come over and notices. "Adrian, did you just take a shit in your bathing suit" "Yeah." And on came all the jokes. Everyone seemingly stopped what they were doing to either make fun of me or try to understand what had happened. I tried to play it off as if there was no shit because it magically disappeared or something but it didn't work. Again, I was extremely embarrassed and could not get out of the situation until I woke up.

In conclusion, I hope this does not become a reocurring dream. It's absolutely no fun even though it's funny when I think back on it. This would definitely become the single weirdest reocurring dream of my life. I don't know what to do? Maybe I should take more shits before I go to sleep so Im not thinking about it, I dont know I have to do something. Guys, I need your help.

A brOpen Letter

To Bros it May Concern,
After much conflicted thought, I have decided to cancel my upcoming trip to Boston. I was offered the opportunity to fly to Haiti over the same weekend and work with Patricia Arquette and her charity to shoot mini documentary/promotional material. Its with a sad heart I made this decision. The opportunity to go fucking nuts in Boston with all my favorite people has been on my mind since the day I booked my flight. It was only an opportunity as exciting, interesting and seemingly once in a lifetime that could have taken me away from such an adventure. The chance has come at a time of some momentum and I felt needed to jump on it. Only the though that this is not the only time this will happen, I know I will have crazy adventures with all of you in the future, took away some of the sting of missing out on the big party. I will visit the east coast this summer for bros that are staying out there. Everyone else, meet me in LA.

Sincerely,
The Senator from New York
Jesse

Almost made out with someone last night

The guy's name was Twigs and he had my head in his hand. Pushed him away yelling "No, Twigs!!"

I am sad

Boston celtics are loosing, jesse isn't coming up to boston, im only going to see scott for one day.

ohh and yeah im still a virgin.

a convo