Thanksgiving post

The other day I was driving to work, and I started thinking about existence. I realized that existence didn't have to be a thing. Like not my existence, or your existence, but just existence itself. There could've just been nothing. Ever. But instead, existence is a property that is turned "on," like an item in super smash. And that has to be the thing I'm most thankful for. But if existence wasn't enough, there's more!! The stuff that exists attracts to itself.  The existence organizes itself into atoms, which then attract to each other and organize into molecules, then fucking stars happen and planets happen, and then there's a fucking self aware bunch of existence with relationships and shit.

Tldr I'm glad there's stuff.

The Most Inspirational Thing I Have Read in a Long Time

This comes from ScriptShadow.com, which is a blog all about screenwriting I read on and off.

While I read this post from a commenter on the site, I really connected and thought about it from a screenwriting aspect for myself and also as a media content producer. I really don't write enough or take enough pictures/shoot enough videos. I need to start doing this in order to succeed. This kind of kicked mya ss and showed me how I should act towards my own shit in order to succeed.

Read the entire comment below. All credit to Scriptshadow.com and the poster Half-robot. (http://scriptshadow.net/one-of-my-favorite-scriptshadow-comments-of-the-year/)

"If you are finding reasons to avoid writing, maybe it’s not for you. It’s all about effort.

Megastar athletes are there because of dedication and perseverance. Not a single person wakes up one day and is amazingly talented.

Famous musicians.

Actors.

Scientists.

You name it.

I’m sorry but you gotta churn stuff out to get better. The whole 10,000 hours thing. It’s almost as simple as math. Writing a great story, no. But getting better? Elementary.

Unless you just REALLY aren’t getting it. But that’s a whole different story…

I started writing five months ago.

Five.

Before that (and now) I just worked regular, everyday jobs. I’m currently a payroll manager for a mid-size marketing firm. I live an hour away from my job. I work 40-50 hours a week, plus another 10-15 commuting on a cramped bus reading every screenplay I can get my hands on. Plus, I’m married to someone who doesn’t really like movies. Don’t tell me you don’t have time to write.

I don’t have a fancy film degree. I haven’t watched all the classics. I just sit my ass down, forget about sleeping, and write. I leave for work at 5:30 AM, get home at 6 PM. Spend a few hours with the wifey and I’m usually writing from 9 until about 1 or 2 AM. It’s what it takes, man. It ain’t easy. No one said it was. But don’t give me a bullshit excuse that you don’t have time. Suck it up, buttercup.

Though, admittedly, when I started, I thought I would be one of the lucky ones. Sell my first script, dash away to the hills of Hollywood, hob-nob with A-listers. At first, that was my inspiration. The golden dream. Who doesn’t dream of that scenario? It still has to be a small part of your inspiration to make it as a writer. Maybe those things don’t happen to writers, but you still have to swing for the stars. Literally and metaphorically.

It obviously didn’t go that route. And months later, I’ve completely shifted my view on the art of screenwriting. I stopped caring about others “making it” and focused entirely on what I was doing. MY projects.

And you know how much I’ve written?

2 (god-awful) complete feature specs. Both rewritten a few times before I moved on to a fresh idea.

Countless outlines.

2 half-baked feature specs.

Dozens of half-baked ideas, scenes.

A million “A day in the life of” character sheets.

3 separate ideas for The Writer’s Store contest in 2 weeks.

And I’m now on my third draft (technically sixth, but some are partial rewrites) of my 3rd feature.

Five months, people. Don’t tell me it can’t be done.

Feedback is HUGE. I’ve connected with a dozen people through this site and I can’t even tell you how pleased I am to have met them.

Carson, thank you for providing a pretty relaxed atmosphere where we can discuss and connect with each other.

Contrary to popular belief, there aren’t a lot of sites like this. I’ve read a few blogs and they get MAYBE two or three comments. We’re consistently pushing 70+ on most articles. That is fucking stellar y’all.

The flip side to feedback is what to do with it. Get over yourself. You’re not god’s gift to the screenwriting world. We’re all (aspiring) story tellers. See what others think.

From the people I’ve met here, they usually have some pretty great ideas on how to improve that scene where your lead is slicing someone’s throat but in a way we’ve all seen before. You probably thought it was fucking brilliant. Guess what?

It wasn’t.

To quote the Barenaked Ladies, “It’s all been done.”

So yeah, feedback and a thick skin. WHEN (NOT IF) you sell something, you’re going to get hit with notes. Probably a lot of them. I obviously don’t know, but from what I’ve read, get ready for a lot of rewriting.

Rewriting is the fun part anyway. That’s where your script comes alive. I read an interview from here last night from E. Nicholas Mariani that talked about rewriting being the connective tissue, the “scene between the scenes.” That really resonated with me. You can only discover that stuff the second (third, fourth, fifth, sixth…) time around.

That’s why I have an issue with so many AoW scripts. They are clearly first drafts. They are not thought through. It’s basically a (way too long usually) first draft of some cool scenes you thought of. Guess what? After countless weeks of offerings, how many have really gained traction? Yeah. Exactly.

I think we are too easy on amateur writers. You sugar coat the issue, they don’t grow. Simple as that. I’ve read notes from friends that always start with “let me know if I’m being too harsh” and the really grinds my gears.

Let me have it. Make my story better. If you’re polite, I don’t see the problem. If you’re rude, we may have an issue. But I haven’t met anyone here or anywhere else that is a raging douchebag.

I have to disagree with Carson on three things, though.

One -

Don’t read screenplay books right away. I did that. If I could go back, I wouldn’t. Yes, read a book on formatting. Don’t be that guy. BUT, don’t read Save the Cat! and go from there.

Those bad habits will stick with you. Don’t count pages. Don’t worry about 15 beats. You will hit roadblock after roadblock. Write INTERESTING CHARACTERS doing INTERESTING THINGS that makes us want to KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.

If your inciting incident doesn’t land on page 10, an executive isn’t going to jump out of a bush and murder you.

The best way to describe if something is good to me is this rule:

How many pages have I read before I check to see what page I’m on.

If it’s good, I don’t check.

If it’s bad, well, you get it.

We all do it when we read.

We’ve read stories our entire lives. We’ve watched countless movies. Telling a story isn’t rocket science. Well, it is, but not really.

Read SCREENPLAYS. A SHIT TON OF THEM. I’ve read more screenplays in five months than movies I’ve watched in my entire life. And you know what? My scripts are stronger because of it. Half the movies you watch aren’t like the screenplay anyway. READ. READ. READ.

Because you are -

WRITING. WRITING. WRITING. They are words. Go outside, feel emotions, nature. Next time you’re on a walk, mentally think how you’d describe where you are in the most interesting, brief way. Not how your favorite movie ALREADY DID IT.

Two -

Yes, you should write. Every. FUCKING. Day. No excuses. BUT, it has to be more than five minutes. I know that is metaphor for just spending at least some time on writing, but you’ll get no where.

Five minutes? Ten minutes? That’s how long it takes me to come up with a fucking tweet for christ’s sake. How many pages do you think you’ll get done in a year writing even 30 minutes a day? Maybe enough to post a new blog entry every couple of days.

Put your ass in that seat and get excited. Tell sleep to go fuck itself. Tell five minutes to go fuck itself. You’re a writer, not a stopwatch. Get to writing.

Three -

Don’t write something because it’s a “commercial idea.” It will be so obvious. Another interview I read from the fucking talent that is Brian Duffield explained how he starts his specs… A thought or emotion that he’s struggling with. That’s what you need to do.

Yeah, that’s right. YOU.

Pick something challenging. Pick a flaw in your life. Writing will become therapy and before you know it, you’ve got something good.

My current project is about relationships. Their complexity… their brutal way of making you vulnerable, exposing you to another soul. How unfair they can be. How they shape us. How in dire situations, knowing the person you are with has your back. Trust. Finding your soul mate.

The logline? A former couple must survive a road trip during the zombie apocalypse.

And it’s a fucking rom-com. It’s a dark comedy, but a rom-com nonetheless.

If you write based only on a commercial idea, that’ll get you a couple scenes. It WON’T get you a deep connection with the reader. Look, we’re all human. We all have fears, worries, problems, complications, themes, ideas, struggles, whatever. Pick one. Tackle it. Challenge yourself. Brian Koppelman bashes this idea into our heads with his six second screenwriting advice vines. They are brilliant.

Once you’ve grasped the idea you want to work on, then you can attach the story to it. I could have written a dumb comedy about two opposites stuck in car together and all the wacky, crazy things that happen to them. But I grounded it first, then added the story later. I want you to know, at the heart, WHY they are a former couple, HOW that affects the trip, WHY they are even on the trip to begin with. I want you to watch and FEEL them grow, arc, whatever word you want to use for it.

I don’t want Kevin James butt to touch David Spade’s face for a laugh.

Your Bridesmaid is a Bitch isn’t just about some guy going to his sister’s wedding where his ex-girlfriend will be. That is the story, sure. But at the core, like Brian says, is the complexity and struggles with relationships we’ve all been in. We’ve all had our hearts broken. Now, I’m sure a very small percentage of us actually have been to our sister’s wedding where our ex was. But we relate to the feeling. It’s pretty universal. No one is reinventing the wheel, here. And it doesn’t need to be, either.

In conclusion – sorry for ranting. I’m pretty fired up about this. It all comes down to you. Do you want to do this. Like, for reals. Or is it just a hobby?

Here’s a clue. In the last week, how many hours have you dedicated to a blank page? If it’s less than 15, you might need to reevaluate your goals.

As always, if anyone wants to connect, trade scripts, or engage in hilarious, off-beat emails while I’m at work, email me.

driftinginscripts@gmail.com

I’m also on twitter. I’ve kind of fell off the map there, but I still whip up a few quips every now and then.

@half_robot

When I win an Oscar, I will thank all of you in my speech. Especially you, Carson."

The perfect ending to a once sparkling online relationship

I may have blogged too many times about my online encounters in the last few days but I had to do a follow up on this girl who I had asked out to a date.

We last left off in me proposing the date to which I got no answer for 3 days. Some people were telling me to wait a whole week to send her another message, I wanted to send her 300 right away so I decided to do it somewhere right in the middle: today, Monday night right before Tuesday and Wednesday (the days I had proposed to meet up on). It was nothing desperate, just a message to see if she still wanted to meet up.

I talked to Dan about relationships for a little bit and completely forgot about the message I had sent out until a red 1 flared up at the bottom of my screen next to my apple email. I knew it was going to be the reply message and it sure was. Fuck what is it going to be?? She has to say yes because if she wanted to decline she wouldn't have responded right?? I open up the message and BOOM:

"Hey sorry I found out this morning I'm getting time to travel so I'm going to Africa for a bit. Sounds totally random and made up but I promise haha. I don't want to meet you right before I run off, but how about we see where you're at dating wise when I get back and we can go from there?"

WHAT THE FUCK?!?! This is UNREAL! Just too fucking perfect!! Of course I can't go on my first date because she got news she is going to fucking Africa. FUCKING AFRICA!? fucking africa, man.  I'm at a loss for words. This first date has been haunting me my whole life and it manages to slip from my fingers at every turn. This is the land of opportunity, the greatest country in the world and you decide to go to africa over the love of your life? Get out of my face.

I mean she might be fucking with me, but I think it's too good to not be true (does that make sense?). Final note: I'm not going on a date and I'm not sure when I will, god damn it.

Moment of Silence

My mind could not be quieted. Three days of partying, drinking and dancing four or more hours into the night. The pounding of house music from pumping up of the crowd each morning seemed to bleed past night fall and start again the next day without stopping. Undying crowds at the buffet from breakfast to dinner and back again. The constant joking knowledge that this might be our last job like this, where we all go to a paradise resort and hang out for a week. The feeling that we are being isolated by the staff and seminar goers. All these piece of debris pinging around my brain. Any attempt to quiet my mind had been fruitless. Even morning meditation had only been able to extend my clarity enough to realize just how noisy my brain had become.

So, a half an hour into the Maskerade Party on our fourth night and I was fed up. The single old fashion I threw back along with the incessant dancing in the sand had left me tired. I decided to do the unthinkable and leave. Leave the paradise beach with the beautiful dancing women and free drinks. Feeling unable to explain this to my coworkers I begin to sneak out. I started walking back but before I'm able to exit the beach our sound tech stops me and asks me where I'm going. I begin making small talk so I have time to think of an excuse. Luckily in the middle of my bullshit the girl he'd been looking for all night walks up behind him. He's pulled back into the party and my path is clear.

Finally way from the music I decided I had to do something with my night. Leaving and going to sleep sounded too frustrating. I formed a plan: get rid of these ridiculous clothes and head to a quiet section of the beach. Perhaps the rhythm of the waves would bring me a little peace. Just in case I decided to bring my phone and headphones so I could listen to Tyler's mix tape, should I get bored. Changed and out of my room, I made my way to the beach. I walked along the dark paths towards the ocean. Finally within ear shot of the beach, I ran into a group of seminar goers on their way to the party. Lost and masked, they blamed their predicament on lack of peripheral vision. I point out the way to go, oddly enough the same way I was walking. They followed me for couple minutes until I begin to veer off towards my own destination. They asked if I'm going to the party. As I hopped the fence to the beach I yell back "No!" and disappeared into darkness.

As my eyes adjusted, the first thing I noticed was the gigantic white cloud over head. This low hanging cloud was reflecting all of the resort lights back at the beach and right on top of me. It bathed the sand in a soft artificial glow. The thatch umbrellas that line the beach project soft perfect circles on the white surface. It was gorgeous and eerie. I slowly made my way through the city of umbrellas towards the water. Half way there and I began to feel wind pick up. All day it had been stagnant and calm but now it began to blow ocean spray furiously across the beach. Finally it seemed like nature was echoing the state my mind had been in all day. Soon what I believed to be ocean spray was getting heavier and more numerous. And the giant cloud that cast its soft light over me was actually a giant rain cloud. The down pour began and I jumped underneath an abnormally short thatch umbrellas. The reeds from the umbrella were so low they almost touched the day bed I was now laying on, which helped keep the sideways spraying rain from hitting me.

Secure in my safety I realized it: I was stuck. Any attempt to get back to the resort would leave me and my phone soaked. I had to wait it out. What to do i the mean time? I consider listening to music but the noise of the water and wind made that less than ideal. Given that this is an opportunity to be still, I decide to attempt meditating for the second time that day. I try to concentrate on my breath but the wind is hitting me so hard I can't feel it leave my body. Without the feeling of breath to hold onto, my mind wandered and eventually lead me to imagine myself swimming off into the ocean at night and being eaten by sharks. Realizing my mind was still far too violent to meditate, I was out of ideas. I shuffled in the day bed and felt my phone in my pocket move. That's when I remembered I had taken a few notes from the speakers that day. I pull it out to take a look. One such note I found was the outline of a 15 minute daily practice described to us that afternoon. It wasn't as aimless or unguided as meditation. Perhaps the added structure could help me focus and relax until the rain passed. There's no harm in trying.

I start to read my notes: Begin by imagining a bright loving light that starts in your head and begins to grow. It grows to fill up your whole body, then your whole town and city and country and world. (Okay, a nice visualization of connection with everything. Simple and harmless enough.) The second part is about gratitude. Think of and acknowledge 5 people you're grateful for in your personal life and 5 people you're grateful for in your work life. (I liked this one a lot. It keeps you from taking things for granted and getting sucked into your own bullshit. I can dig it!) The third part is forgiveness. Visualize someone you need to forgive or needs to forgive you. Imagine them forgiving you and vice versa. Visualize the exchange. (It's weird how an imagined, proxy version of forgiveness is pretty satisfying. It also reminded me of how important forgiveness is.) The fourth piece is visualizing your day, the exercise is meant to be done in the morning. Think of what you want to accomplish that day and imagine yourself doing each step that needs to be done to achieve it. (This one is really nice because at the end of it you have a to do list you can scribble down and structure your day with.) The last step the speaker referred to as "the blessing". Imagine your higher power, whatever that is for you: nature, the universe, god, your own inner being. Imagine that higher power descending over you and covering you completely. And because the speaker believe your higher power shouldn't be something so far away from you, fist bump you higher power.

As I finished the last piece of the exercise I realized how quiet everything had become. I stuck my hand out the umbrella and felt nothing. I stepped out of my cover and saw that the cloud and all the artificial light had gone. And for the first time I could see the stars. And I could really see them! Orion's belt wasn't a clean three dots it was speckled with all sorts of points of light. To the right of that was a brilliant glint, pulsing from a deep red to a bright white light. I've never really seen a star do that, it was incredible. Finally I had walked past the city of umbrellas. With palm thatch out of my sight I saw the vast and deep black void in front of me. I walked towards till we touched and the warm bath-like water washed over my feet. Above the still, black ocean were perfect puffs of Caribbean clouds. I stood, feet sunken and eyes wide as different white shapes floated over me. They were turtles and rabbits and angel wings and roosters, all different perfect shapes. As each character pasted over me in peace, my mind finally breathed in silence and quieted.

Positive vibes bred from the negative

Last night I tried something. I came home after a long and semi-annoying day of being on set. This set is a small webseries for some friends, which is fine, but I'm really tired of it. It reminds me of some of the mediocre sets I did in college. I am pretty much doing everything on set with the lighting and camera besides the DP. Anyways, I came home pretty angry and needed to smoke the second I got home. I lit up and got goddang high. (By the way I started reading this trippy ass webcomic I know y'all would like: It Will All Hurt). What I am getting at is that I almost had one of my usual nights in alone and that would have sucked.

I realized at 10 that I hadn't eaten all day because of my hangover. I decided I wanted fast food and I was deadset on Carls Jr. I don't know why, I just needed it. So I decided that I would go out and get Carls Jr. and then hit up a friend who lives out here who I was still yet to see.

Recently, when I've been smoking, I've been having deep thoughts about what I am doing with my life. It kind of helps me see my life from another perspective. It used to be negative, as you all know, but I've been embracing it for its positive attributes. I came to some conclusions last night, the first of which was that I need to start eating healthy. Like I am pretty much done with fast food for a while. The only reason I went out for food was because I was pretty high and I didn't want to clean the disgusting amount of dishes in my sink (partially, but not totally caused by myself). This plays into how I want to start working out and running again and hopefully start biking. But I want to start feeling healthy again. My skin has been pretty terrible and I feel like crap all the time and I think a lot of it stems from how I eat. So from now on I am going to mostly cook for myself and experiment with healthier foods.

So then I went to this party on my own accord because I have been so bored with life. Best decision. Like, I would have loved to have hung out with y'all, but I hadn't seen this kid in so long and I felt bad that I had been avoiding/too busy to hang with him. I didn't know anyone at the party, which was great. But I learned a lot in those 4 hours I was there. I learned I need to be more social. But I don't wanna talk to most of these girls. There's just something about party girls I don't like. Like, get your shit together. I wanna see someone who can handle themselves while drunk and still have a funny and good time. While I wanna have sex because it has been so dang long, I'd rather do it with someone I really want to do it with, not just any girl.

So I ended up talking to my friend's friends the entire party and smoking with him. They were pretty hilarious. But I got to realize so many things while I was talking to them. I realized that I never ever need to do cocaine. Like never. It isn't appealing in anyway. So I kept thinking about drugs and what I would be willing to try. I've decided I don't want to take acid. I used to think I did, but I know I am afraid to take acid. I'm not afraid to do psychedelics, so long as they are natural ('shrooms). I really don't need them. But I needed to actually tell myself that I didn't want to do acid ever and now I'm fine with that conclusion.

I also started thinking about my weed habits. I've been smoking pretty consistently lately. It has definitely been better for me, but I need to start slowing down. I kinda wanna make it special again. Now that my brain has accepted it as a fun drug, I need to start trying to only doing it once or twice a week again, not every day. But I think I am going to go on a break again during the winter and only do it once or twice in a few month span. I think it will be good for me.

In summation though, I feel better. I feel refreshed and ready to fucking start taking care of myself. I have clear goals (which the kids I was hanging out with were super supportive of having the vision I try to have about making films) and now I have ways to be healthier. In order to take steps towards being who I want to be, I just need to start on the road towards a healthier me.

Where the fuck are our pics, Adrian?

I was gonna comment but this is too important to risk not being seen. We want pics.

Will I have a date? (Updated)

Me and this girl have chatted back and forth a little bit so I decided to pop the question: Do you want to meet up?
I don't know what to think, my heart is racing, I'm on the floor, will my first date actually happen? Fuck, I feel like people that do online dating go on dates all the time so I don't know if I'll be able to handle it.  Am I overreacting???? Anyways, this is a photo right after I sent the message with the question.

Update: I originally asked if she would be down for coffee and she agreed but then I thought about it and if it's weekday after she gets back from work i should really make it drinks. Also my coworker who originally got me into it and has 3+ years of experience said to get drinks to chill the girls out cause they get stressed and coffee would only make it worse. I proposed to go to the City Tavern in Culver city on Tuesday or wednesday. Ohh and she is Asian but her dad is Argentinian and she is an accountant.

When our sarcasm reaches the real world

I kinda wanna keep trolling him, but he's on my side so I guess I won't.

Hardships of online dating (A little live blog in comments)

As many of you know, over the last few days I have signed up for online dating websites Plenty of Fish and OKCupid and have starrted sending out messages and filling out my profile. I know online dating  might seem desperate and a place where you will find really weird people but my coworkers who do it encouraged me to join. I decided why the fuck not, I mean clearly what I have been doing the past 23 years hasn't really worked out so this can only be positive.

First hardship: What body type am I? That's a question that you have to fill out on your profile and it gives you a list of options. I was conflicted, am I thin or athletic? I worked out a fair amount over the summer and can keep up in playing sports so does that make me athletic or do I need a certain amount of fat/muscle to be in this class? I'm probably more thin than athletic but I figured it would be better to put athletic to get more girls so I did. Sue me!

Next hardship: What to say in the first message? This is really fucking tough. At first I tried out my coworkers method of just spewing a whole bunch of girls with a copy and pasted message that said something along the lines of "Oh hey you look really cool, message me if you want to talk." I didn't get any hits with that and it felt lame. Also most girls have in their profile  that they want a guy that can make them smile. I consider myself a really funny guy, funnier than most, like I could join the Mensa of funny, but it's all very situational humor so to say something funny online like a one liner is very hard for me. But I gave it a shot.

Here are my two best lines:

-To a girl who said in her description to only message her if you don't live with parents, don'ts stay at home during weekends and like sarcasm. "So I live with my parents, I stay at home during weekends and hate sarcasm..." I thought that was pretty good and I got my first response off of it which said "Gross." I gave a response to that and she hasn't messaged back.

-To a girl who said that she had a very low voice and to not let her cutesy pics deceive her. "I've got a very high voice so don't let my extremely masculine pics deceive you." Now I thought this was gold, fucking comedic gold. My best line so far which brought up hardship number 3.

Hardship #3: Fucking patience. I have messaged about thirty girls in the last few days (that's just on OKCupid, which I think Im going stick with) and had only gotten one response until last night. I'm not one to be patient with these things and I start looking at what I'm doing wrong because clearly there is something I'm doing wrong if I'm not getting any answers. I didn't get angry but I was just stunned that I hadn't gotten a response from the girl that I sent the high pitched voice message to. And OKCupid lets you know when someone took a look at your profile and she had. I figured the relationship was already over so I sent her another message to bring some happiness to myself.

It said "Wow, that was my best line so far and i got no response, that's a big blow for me haha." Now I thought this was kinda funny and wouldn't look as creepy and maybe get her to take a look at my profile again and fuck it the chance with this girl had passed anyways. She looked at my profile and didn't send a response. But little did I know, I already had it in the bag.

She responded with "? I was going to respond and say you seem like you might be a cool dude. Don't take waiting so harshly."

Fucking A man, I can't catch a fucking break! My message was on point and I just didn't wait long enough! This is some bullshit!  If she doesn't respond to my apology message for coming off as an asshole message I'm going to be so mad. Not to be that person but I have to say it: Story of my fucking life.