Short and Sweet

It was my last day at Faucks, I got a girl's number and only three more days until my four day weekend. To say I'm pumped would be putting it mildly. Let's party mothafuckas!!

Day 1

Today is the first real day of my adult life and I have so many emotions and feelings running through my head that it's physically hard to breathe.

This is the first time in my life I have felt a true anxiety about everything in my life. I'm living in a house filled with strangers, in a room I don't feel welcome in. I want to spend approximately 0 time in this house. I'm not working and I have too much free time. I am, in a sense, floating.

But a wise person can see the positives permeating through the negative.

This house is right down the street from UCB so now I have no excuse not to go all the time. And by right down the street, I mean so close I can walk.

This house being unwelcoming will make me want to be outside of it more often, seeing people, sights, and seeking work. Being outside of my comfort zone is anxiety ridden, but will allow me to grow as a person. I want to start working out more, running, creating, writing, living.

This is the fresh start I needed. I will use my anxiety towards making a better me. I'll be calling upon all of you for help and positive reinforcement, but let's fucking do this shit.

Or...I'll probably just jerk off instead.

Pimpin' in the New East

This holiday season I was blessed with the opportunity to travel the flourishing lands of the "New East."  Since my exile, these lands have seen extravagance and fortune that even a high-born nobleman would struggle to imagine.

Among the primary beneficiaries of the New East's burgeoning wealth is a most stately faction.  They call themselves "The Pimps," and here is their style:

 

Fuck me?

I don't know if you should put emphasis on the "fuck" or on the "me" in the title but I don't give a shit.

This is just one of the days where you come off the high train and think, did I get just get off at the wrong stop?

As some of you may know, I have been texting this girl that I met at the New year's party that I attended. She had finally gotten back to me 5 days after I sent her a text and I typed the best texting game that I could have for the next couple of days. I thought I was in, I mean, I asked her if she wanted to meet up and I got this response, "Sure. Do you want to drive around listening to Beyonce until we find the dopest spot to ghost ride the whip?"

Fuck, not only am I IN, but I am IN with a very cute girl with a seemingly awesome personality. Turned out she lives kinda far away but we were going to talk about specifics the next day. I text her the next day, she doesn't respond. I think whatever, it's a Saturday, she was probably doing shit.

Now comes Monday and I'm doing shit with Scott. He mentions to me that she has a great singing voice, which I knew about, and decides to play me one of her songs. In the midst of putting on clothes and getting ready for work, I realize that she has the voice of an angel. I even tell Scott that I can't wait to hear her moans.

I walk out of my apartment feeling great about the day because most likely I will be able to set something up with her. My phone buzzes, I look at the name, it's a text from the girl. Holy shit this is awesome!

Open it up, looks like a fine opening with "Hey Adrian..." I keep on reading, "I'm really busy this week..." ok, that's fine we can probably meet next week. Keep on reading "and I'm leaving soon..." Ok, that can't be good. "I'm sorry but I won't have time to meet up..." Jesus fucking christ this is not good! And the last punch in the gut, "Happy new year!" It's the fucking 13th of January, please don't wish me a new years!!! God damn it!!!

Which makes me think, how many times has this type of shit happened to me? Well, there was the girl that I tutored with sophomore year who I decided to ask out next time I see and of course never got to see again in the semester. There was the girl that supposedly went to Africa. There is the girl from Fox who I was going to ask out but somehow stopped doing nightshifts the week that I decided to do so and now this.

Like I just don't fucking get it. I want to believe that it's shitty luck but I don't know if it is. I'm still confident in myself but I'm really frustrated right now. Every time I decide to sack up and make a move, it just ends up not working out for some stupid reason.

The good thing that came from this is that most people doubted I could get this girl to talk to me and I proved to myself that I could do it. Hell I came kinda close to meeting up with her too. I just wish I could get some sort of break. So I'm frustrated as shit but know that I'm only getting closer.

Also: I probably wont get my contract renewed at my job so I will prob be working 3 days a week next month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Leaving New York

I went to say goodbye to some family, my grandparents and aunt. My grandmother was recently in the hospital. She couldn’t eat for five days and that has left her extremely weak. She was finally able to walk the three feet from bed to her own bathroom for the first time just yesterday. She thinks she is dying. When in the hospital, she told me, she got into an argument with the doctors because she woke up to find them all in yellow hazmat suits and thought she had died.

So I went to say goodbye, not knowing when I’ll be back and knowing how frail she is. When I went upstairs to her room I found just the most peaceful and loving person. We small talked about me going back to California, the better weather and how early the flight was. But then she stopped and marveled at seeing me grown and happy. And how much wonder there is in once knowing me as a helpless infant to now a 23-year-old adult. My grandmother held my hand and told me “Enjoy every moment”; it’s all wonderful. Then we said our goodbyes. She wasn’t trying to hold on or say too much. She seemed to have the peaceful knowledge that there was no magic thing to say, no phrase perfect enough. I came to say goodbye and that was all that could be said.

I went down stairs. My aunt was arguing about the right way to jump-start her Prius, which had died in the cold. My father was pulling up a Youtube how to and she was huffing about how she already figured it out, ignoring my grandfather’s curiosity. My aunt too is dying. She’s had cancer for longer than she should have. Her life has been plagued with illnesses. The longer it lasts the angrier and pettier she seems. Arguments so unnecessary they have to be boiled down to the core issue to resolve them. She is angry. She is angry because she is dying and because she has always been angry. I go and hug my grandfather goodbye. He’s an ox and his strength has always amazed me but I can see him bending living amongst all this dying. I go to say goodbye to my aunt. She can’t look at me. She won’t make an effort to hug me goodbye. I lay my hand on her shoulder and tell her I’ll see her soon.

It’s such a fucking choice.

What happened last year?

A lot of fucking shit happened, that's what. Started off in Argentina for New Year's came straight to LA from there for my final semester in school, went back to CT for the summer and finished the year off back in LA.

Bought my first styling hat, graduated, learned to get over some of my fears of heights, went of my first road trip, got my first real job, started paying off rent and most of my bills by myself, joined an online dating website, went on my first date and got my first blow job (JK!), and feeling better than ever before. This amongst tons of other shit and good times.

Trying to summarize this shit is impossible, kind of reminds me of making my OKCupid account. But what I will say is that none of this would have been possible without you guys. I love you all for giving me the confidence and courage to do things that may be a little bit risky or put me in a vulnerable situation because it has helped me grow a lot as a person. I would have never bought that hat, I would have never joined an online dating website, I would have never gone on that first date, if it wasn't for you guys. Hell I probably wouldn't have taken that summer job or gone on that road trip with such low amounts of money if it wasn't for the fact that I just wanted to be with you guys and hang out.

I will say that 2014 has started off with a bang by partying with Scott, Moe, and Ella and for the first time got a girl's number at a party. (I will update on this girl as I see fit). Fucking Scott was giving me shit the whole time for not dancing with some of the girls at the party and for talking shit before it but I thought I did pretty well. Baby steps!

Anyways, can't wait to hang with you guys some more, ESPECIALLY JOE! I will be having fridays off and that's it in January but hopefully my schedule will get better after that.

Also, just so you guys know, my sexual (or non sexual) escapades have become a prime talking point at my work as well. It's fucking crazy! Everybody in that office knows about my dates, they might even know more than you guys. Legit clients would be coming up to the counter to ask us for shit and we would be talking about it and they would get in the conversation and ask me questions.

Last point, me and my friend at work were talking about new years. And i told him that I got a girls number and I was pretty happy about it. He then responds with "Yeah mine was pretty good too." Takes out his phone, shows me a vid with two girls that are pretty good looking and goes "Yeah, I had my first threesome." But what's crazy is that I'm guessing that my high of getting that girl's number was the same as his high of getting the threesome.

Baby steps Adrian, baby steps.

I love you (part 3)

But the question remains? Where do I move after the bike trip? I definitely can't stay in Boston. I will soon have no friends here and as I explained about my Whistler in the Dark experience, I don't want to work in this town. So where to move.

It obviously comes down to this. New York or LA. And I gotta say, LA is really looking better and better. The big thing about New York is that, yes, it has the best theater artists in the world and the coolest theater is happening there. But I don't know anyone. I will have to start totally from scratch. A social tadpole. No friends, no work connections. Perhaps I'll get work, but it probably won't be for months. Moving to New York basically means knowing that I'm going to be real sad for 6 months.

And then there's LA... fucking LA. My only experience with LA is the summer I spent sleeping on Jesse's floor in Culver City. I definitely had an awesome time because I love Jesse, but the city sucked. But I need to face the fact that all of my closest friends live there. And they are working! And they will want to work and live with me!? And I'll be able to participate in a community of young artists trying to figure their shit out and get better. There isn't too much theater, but there is theater. And there is a lot of improv, and I could give working on film another try.

And the fucking cherry on top. Aaron, my older brother gave me a call the other day and was like, "Hey, just for the sake of asking, you don't want a car do you? I want to buy a new car and was gonna sell my old one, but do you want it?"

So that's it.