I just don't think there's anything new in it for me. I have this special muffin and I'm planning on going to a gigantic modern art museum tomorrow and eating it. Now that sounds like a great time. But I know what's gonna happen. I'm gonna wander around and have a hundred and twenty different revelations. I'll discover things about art, life, people. Ill discover things that will simplify my world. They'll make me see things clearly and with wonder and appreciation. And then ill fuckin forget it! Every last brilliant idea or precious new emotion that unlocked life-changing rooms will be lost. Even if I write it down it won't make any fucking sense. I'll never be able to draw a good enough map to find that heighten space, the time when my brain was firing on all cylinders. Because it's just that: a heightened place, a high.
I think in a general sort of way, I've gotten what I wanted out of it. I get it now. The world is a wondrous and magical place, every last bit of it. It's helped give me these eyes and I'm gonna keep trying to see with them as often as I can. I just don't think I need to go back to the well a hundred more times to do that. I've listened to the same record too many times. It's lost its shine.
Now I feel like bringing these thoughts up might have some social implications. This blog has always been a place for honesty and as such I felt the need to share these thoughts. Our friendships were all strengthened by the often silly yet profound journeys we had while heightened. Any thought that I might stop would definitely cause some discomfort. I can already hear the word "bitch" coming out of, well everyone's mouth regardless of the love behind it. All that being said, I'm not quitting and I am going to have a great time at the museum tomorrow. Right now it's still too much fun to do while hanging with all of you. And maybe that's where it'll stay, a social thing. Or maybe sometime in the future, however near or far, I might make the decision to stop. Who knows? Regardless these are my thoughts on it today, they are quite green.
Ps I wrote this while eating a baguette and looking at the Eiffel Tower. Suck a dick.
what the fuck dude. ive been feeling this exact same way. since i broke up w jenna like a year ago, i kinda felt like i was growing, getting into meditation, podcasts, shrooms and all that, getting into some new music, but now it's like i hit a plateau where i dont know how to get further. took a week+ off of smoking last week, smoked a couple times this week and it was alright, and may have triggered some creativity last night, but overall i kinda came to the conclusion that i was gonna do it less. just felt kinda healthier when i was off it. anyways, fuck your baguette and cum in my mouth.
ReplyDeleteYeah for me, smoking has always been a social thing. I've smoked alone very few times usually because I don't have my piece or I don't have the greens. And I think that's why it works for me. When I get high, I want to interact, I want to share my high thoughts, I want to hear other people's high thoughts, I want to go on a journey of highness with passengers on board, and even though I may not remember all of it, I love picking up the pieces the next day and sharing those little moments again. It's like that one time at the end of our junior year in our apartment where me and adrian and joe just couldnt stop laughing. I know that adrian's mouth was really dry and he couldn't sing a song because of it, and then me and joe had some joke that I can't remember for the life of me, but it doesn't matter. That memory of shared utter hilariousness, where I just couldn't stop laughing and had to step out for a bit, is enough to keep me on the green train, at least for now.
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