It's not exactly that I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, but it's what I wanna yell every time someone asks me what my plans are now that I'm a graduate.
I don't feel like a graduate because everyone treats me like a child. I probably doesn't help that every time I go to a bar I joke that I'm 12. It also doesn't help that I still find pooping and masturbating to be some of the funniest shit around and constantly post about it on Facebook and Twitter.
I almost think I need to rebrand myself as a human being, but wouldn't I be losing my charm and wit? I love being absurd and I love baffling people and embarrassing myself in public for my friends amusement.
But every time people ask my plans are I give them the worst possible answer. "I'm homeless living out of the back of my Prius and unemployed." I do it to baffle. I hate the questions about my life. I can't wait to go to the West Coast where people understand what it means to be trying to break into the film industry. I can't wait to go on hiatus from the East Coast world and live on my own.
But that beacons the question brought up earlier in this post: Do I need to rebrand myself? Do I need to delete my Twitter and start over from scratch? Would that help even though I'd probably make the same amount of jokes about porn (less about pooping)? How can I limit my time on Facebook without it being detrimental to my social life and/or work life? Should I delete my account again? Should I delete it permanently to ensure that I don't use it again? Should I delete it and make a new one and keep it only to the closest of close friends? Should I just go through my friends list again and delete everyone I even slightly don't care about as much as you guys and a select few others?
As 2013 draws to a close and 2014 looks to be more and more of a year for the ages, I question my existence both on and off of the internet. It may be a year of rebranding, which could help my social anxieties, awkwardness, and all-together lifestyle (#alliteration). It could be a year of just going with what I have. It could be a year of my laziness and fear coming to bite me in the ass. I have a lot to think about over the next 4 days and even the next 365+.
What am I doing with my life?
I have no idea. And it feels great and terrible all at the same time.
I would say fuck no to rebranding unless it comes from a more genuine place. Don't let the thought of work and employers be what causes you to change.
ReplyDeleteAs I have realized in the last month at work, we are all immature mother fuckers just putting on a persona to impress clients and supervisors. E.g. my supervisor made a dick sucking joke the other day (It wasn't even that funny but I applaud him for doing it).
Work, for me, is a way to get money so that I can keep being the immature motherfucker that I am outside of it. And now that I know my co-workers better, I can do some immature shit while I work.
I had that same problem when people asked me about my future. My response was "I'm hoping to find a job here for the summer so that I can save and then move to LA." I was scared shitless but I wanted it to happen, and so far so good. Fuck the h8ters.
I agree with Adrian's first sentence. I think when I read this post first I got caught up in the term "rebranding". That to me means you're taking a step back and assessing what other people think of you and deciding if there is a change you can make that will make yourself more appealing. What I think and hope you mean by rebranding is that you're are looking at yourself and deciding what things you can change in your life to better serve you and help you be happier. Do you want to be a guy who makes poop and masturbation jokes? Do you want to be a guy who spends free time on Facebook? Making those sort of choices would be a rebranding of your self-image. And on that topic, try some new things out. New jokes, new habits, new answers to old questions. I've tried a lot of new things out and some stuck some haven't. All the time though try to think hard about which is making you happiest.
ReplyDeleteAnd on a slight side note. I do understand that the way people perceive you affects how you perceive yourself but I believe more so the way you perceive yourself affects the way others perceive you. Most importantly, you have better control over the latter. For example, we used to make a lot of sloth jokes. It was hilarious and part of the reason for it was there was some truth to it. Somewhere down the line I made a choice that I didn't want to feel like a lazy person anymore. And I think when I started pushing myself to do more in my life the truth in that joke faded a bit and we stopped making it. So maybe when you want to stop feeling like you're the young looking kid at the bar you'll make that change and others perception of you will follow.
Love you guys. Taking this shit to heart. Will probably have another post in the same vein before the new year. My mom and one of my really good friends made me super depressed today and now I'm in a weird funk and want to disappear for a while. I'm not gonna. I just wanna.
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you my dude! I hope this depressed feeling is only a passing thing. The best shit is yet to come! I love you!
DeleteLove you too bud. <3
Deleteyo, first off, anyone who thinks that pooping and masturbation aren't funny is either insecure as fuck or so uptight that they probably cant even unclench their ass cheeks long enough to let a poop out. secondly, i think everyone has their own kinda subjective view as to how life should be lived, and you're living your life how you think you should. you can second guess it but ultimately you've made all the decisions leading you to this point because you thought they were the right ones, so you're in your place. so chill out and be in that place, and if it's not compatible with what other people's ideas of where you should be, then yeah that kinda sucks. but the issue ends with that person, no need for you to carry it over to your entire life and shit.
ReplyDeletethese are just my opinions, hope they strike some truth for ya. i agree with adrian that the professional world is a bullshit world, i agree with jesse on trying out all kinds of shit (within/around reason), and do what you gotta do to get out of dat funk, cuz funks suck.
<3==D
thats a love dick and i made it for you.