writing my final paper ever - live blog

9:44AM

Ive got three pages down. Only seven to go. Just read an awesome thing about dogs and now I miss my dog a lot.  Hopefully he won't die before I make it back to Mass.  Anyways, it's 9:40am and I have the whole day ahead of me.  Seems like as good a point as any to smoke some weed and take a shower.  I'll update this throughout the day I guess.  Mainly because I need to procrastinate, because I've read pretty much the whole internet in my last 24 hours of procrastination.

10:57AM

Holy shit.  Lots of things just happened.  First of all, an hour passed.  Fuck!  Should get back to paper...but also I was taking a high shower but suddenly found myself feeling kinda shitty-weird like I was gonna pass out or something.  So then I dried off real fast and just collapsed down on my bed.  Then I thought about where my head-space was, like in space or something, like when Joe used to say he went to the forest.  And then I kinda started thinking of a song, and then I was writing it down line by line and it was crazy shit.  And I wrote out this whole crazy song, then grabbed my guitar and somehow figured out every chord.  And trust me theyre weird fuckin chords.  Anyways I suppose it's back to reality/writing my paper.  We'll see how this goes.

11:40AM

Yeah I should DEFINITELY get back to that paper.

This music sounds so nice though.

11:54AM

Just made some serious progress.  Haven't written anything yet but I DID get up to a 4th page by changing my font back to Cambria.  Booyah, baby!!

12:36AM

http://www.reddit.com/r/dragonsfuckingcars

2:08PM

Holy hell. I just discovered the "cite" button on Google Scholar.  The time wasted...oh well.  I'm almost done with 4 pages.  Even though it's a ten page paper, our professor said he "wouldn't take points off if it was only 9."  Does this mean he won't take points off if it's only 8? Am I almost halfway done?  Can I write another half page by 3pm?

3:00PM

So I was totally expecting the answer to that last question to be "no" but I actually just pulled a little bit more than a half page out of my asshole.  Now I'm officially at the unofficial halfway point.  In other news, Adrian went for a walk.  I might not leave the apartment all day.  Also I think I'm officially sober again.  Balls.

4:48PM

Sleepy. Lazy. Done with five pages. Listenin to some music before I try to squeeze out another page.  Like trying to push out a shit that really isnt even in there.  Do they make thought laxatives?  Is that just what drugs are?

Four more pages of bullshit and I'll be done with college.

6:44PM

I thought I was making good progress because I wrote another page, but apparently two hours have passed.  Three pages left and then I'm done with bullshit schoolwork forever.  Three more pages and it's off into the smooth, sunny world of hope and dreams that is post-college life.  Three more pages.  Three more pages and all my wishes will materialize into reality, and the utopia that awaits beyond the days of college will greet me with open gates and warm smiles from the serene angel-folk who float above the landscape playing harps and gathering daisies.  And towering majestic rainbows will replace the gray clouds, and unicorns will fuck in the forests, and the golden fields of glory will flood with unicorn babies, who will feed on the nectar of their mothers' teets and grow strong and bold, and destroy all mediocrity in the universe as they gallop over the horizon of possibilities, making all our dreams come true.  Three more pages and my cock will explode forth from my boxer shorts in a boner of the ages, blocking the sun and ushering in a new era of divine bonerdom.  And God himself will smile upon the boner as it pierces the clouds of His heavenly kingdom, carrying with it the miracle of human love, bringing all those who see the light together into a triumphant and magical state of bliss.

7:26PM



8:54PM

Two pages short of 9 and I think I'm gonna drink some rum, smoke some wee, and call it a night.  This paper isn't due until Wednesday.

Thanks for joining me on this fascinating introspective journey.