i was gonna message this to josh but apparently he's too good for facebook, so here it is:
http://www.reddit.com/r/wheredidthepoopgo/comments/1aamds/invisible_poopers_beware/
Monday, April 29, 2013
Friday, April 26, 2013
Thursday, April 25, 2013
I Thought Murderers Would Be Better At Pool
Last night Nick, Scott and I attended a private screening of a movie Scott edited over the course of 3 years. Its a werewolf feature called (well, in order to not damage the film, lets just call it) "That Stupid Fucking Werewolf Movie". Its oppressively bad. So hard to watch I was too pissed off to fall asleep in the big comfy screening room chairs. The worst part of this travesty is the ending where a lake MELTS an old man (how I don't know) and two teenage werewolf get shot and killed but then wake up minutes later completely unharmed (how... HOW! I WATCHED THEM DIE AND THEN THEY WAKE UP?! AS IF THE DIRECTOR HAD NO UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT DYING MEANS). Oh! and the sheriff hands over the entire town to a man in jail whom everyone thought was crazy, who then enacts marshall law giving out handguns to teenagers.
Anyway, needless to say we all needed a drink afterwards. So we went to a great bar in Santa Monica called Library Alehouse. After an hour of good beer, good food and merciless film bashing Nick bounces. Scott and I decide to stay and order more beer. After choosing particular strong beers its obvious neither of us are fit to drive. The best way we know how to kill time is to find a billiards hall. We ask around on the street and hear about a place called The Brig on Abbot Kinney that has a single pool table. (this piece has been removed for "maybe I shouldn't have that on the interwebs" purposes)
Its late. Those sad few left at the bar on a Wednesday night could be as sketchy but in this particular instance shadowy feel more accurate. The bar is dark, faces are not visible. There is as promised single unoccupied pool table. Standing right next to one end of the table is a couple fiercely making out. As we make our way over they briefly acknowledge us but choose to go back to their make out session. We get quarters from the bar and play a game. Neither of us have played in a long time so the game lasts longer than it should. One game down and we're still not sober enough so opt for another game. I watch as Scott approaches the bar. Waiting for his change I see him strike up a conversation with two guys sitting next to him. He points over to the pool table. He points to me. He points to himself. Then he makes a circle gesture to all of us. I guess we're about to play doubles.
Scott comes back with his two new friends and says we're all gonna play a game. As I'm introducing myself, lets call him Guy 2 says "While we're playing let make it interesting. Losers buy the winners shots!". Being cheap and broke, I'm immediately opposed to the idea. But fuck it! Why not? They assure us they're not pool sharks and we set up the table. I ask Guy 1 what they both do for a living and he says he's a varsity coach at a high school and his friend, Guy 2, is a junior varsity coach. This sounds a but like bull shit, why would two high school coaches be getting drunk on a Wednesday night. Then again, why wouldn't they.
I break. The game starts. Its soon obvious that we are all on the same level, skill wise. None of us come off as being anything but familiar with billards. My break yields nothing. Guy 2 shoots, one in. Then miss. I shoot, nothing. Guy 1 shoots, nothing. Scott shoots, nothing. I shoot, one in... oh... wait that was the 8 ball. FUCK. Just lost the game. They are too drunk to notice the mistake so I have to stop Guy 2 from shooting and let him know the game is over. He looks at me and confused for a second and then yells "SHOTS!". We buy shots. They shoot shots. And go to get more coins for the second game. We disperse briefly for a piss/coin break. When we reconviene Guy 1 and Guy 2 tell us they're done playing.
But before they leave Guy 2 (junior varsity coach) asks
"So are you guys gay or something?"
I say "No, just roommates"
Scott says "But we did go to a very gay friendly school"
Guy 2 "Yeah, where?"
Scott "Boston"
Guy 2 "Boston?! Noooooo, there aint no gays in Boston. What school?"
Scott "Emerson, there are lots of 'em"
Guy 2 "I've never heard of it. My brother lives in Dorchester, thats a crazy place. If you're gay there you'll get fucked up. I had to stab a guy just to get in"
Me "Like, get into a gang?"
Guy 2 "No, to get into Dorchester! My brother said 'You see that guy over there, you gotta stab him' I said 'why'. He said 'you just gotta'. So I took the knife and stab that motherfucker ten time! My brother said 'You killed him'"
Me "..."
Scott "..."
Guy 1 "... "
Guy 2 "Good night guys!"
They leave.
Me "Did he just say murdered a man in Dorchester"
Scott "Yup, we just met a murderer"
Me "Wanna play another game?"
Scott "Sure why not"
I thought murderers would be better at pool
PS - This is the second time in a row Scott and I have gone out and had a man tell us about his experience kill another man. 2 for 2 baby!
Anyway, needless to say we all needed a drink afterwards. So we went to a great bar in Santa Monica called Library Alehouse. After an hour of good beer, good food and merciless film bashing Nick bounces. Scott and I decide to stay and order more beer. After choosing particular strong beers its obvious neither of us are fit to drive. The best way we know how to kill time is to find a billiards hall. We ask around on the street and hear about a place called The Brig on Abbot Kinney that has a single pool table. (this piece has been removed for "maybe I shouldn't have that on the interwebs" purposes)
Its late. Those sad few left at the bar on a Wednesday night could be as sketchy but in this particular instance shadowy feel more accurate. The bar is dark, faces are not visible. There is as promised single unoccupied pool table. Standing right next to one end of the table is a couple fiercely making out. As we make our way over they briefly acknowledge us but choose to go back to their make out session. We get quarters from the bar and play a game. Neither of us have played in a long time so the game lasts longer than it should. One game down and we're still not sober enough so opt for another game. I watch as Scott approaches the bar. Waiting for his change I see him strike up a conversation with two guys sitting next to him. He points over to the pool table. He points to me. He points to himself. Then he makes a circle gesture to all of us. I guess we're about to play doubles.
Scott comes back with his two new friends and says we're all gonna play a game. As I'm introducing myself, lets call him Guy 2 says "While we're playing let make it interesting. Losers buy the winners shots!". Being cheap and broke, I'm immediately opposed to the idea. But fuck it! Why not? They assure us they're not pool sharks and we set up the table. I ask Guy 1 what they both do for a living and he says he's a varsity coach at a high school and his friend, Guy 2, is a junior varsity coach. This sounds a but like bull shit, why would two high school coaches be getting drunk on a Wednesday night. Then again, why wouldn't they.
I break. The game starts. Its soon obvious that we are all on the same level, skill wise. None of us come off as being anything but familiar with billards. My break yields nothing. Guy 2 shoots, one in. Then miss. I shoot, nothing. Guy 1 shoots, nothing. Scott shoots, nothing. I shoot, one in... oh... wait that was the 8 ball. FUCK. Just lost the game. They are too drunk to notice the mistake so I have to stop Guy 2 from shooting and let him know the game is over. He looks at me and confused for a second and then yells "SHOTS!". We buy shots. They shoot shots. And go to get more coins for the second game. We disperse briefly for a piss/coin break. When we reconviene Guy 1 and Guy 2 tell us they're done playing.
But before they leave Guy 2 (junior varsity coach) asks
"So are you guys gay or something?"
I say "No, just roommates"
Scott says "But we did go to a very gay friendly school"
Guy 2 "Yeah, where?"
Scott "Boston"
Guy 2 "Boston?! Noooooo, there aint no gays in Boston. What school?"
Scott "Emerson, there are lots of 'em"
Guy 2 "I've never heard of it. My brother lives in Dorchester, thats a crazy place. If you're gay there you'll get fucked up. I had to stab a guy just to get in"
Me "Like, get into a gang?"
Guy 2 "No, to get into Dorchester! My brother said 'You see that guy over there, you gotta stab him' I said 'why'. He said 'you just gotta'. So I took the knife and stab that motherfucker ten time! My brother said 'You killed him'"
Me "..."
Scott "..."
Guy 1 "... "
Guy 2 "Good night guys!"
They leave.
Me "Did he just say murdered a man in Dorchester"
Scott "Yup, we just met a murderer"
Me "Wanna play another game?"
Scott "Sure why not"
I thought murderers would be better at pool
PS - This is the second time in a row Scott and I have gone out and had a man tell us about his experience kill another man. 2 for 2 baby!
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Adrian's first flight: the terminal
I walk into the terminal. There's a bunch of self-checking machines. But based on that chappelles show sketch where lil Jon goes to the airport, I know I want to get in a line at a counter of some sort and get my ticket from a human. I walk down a hallway to where there appears to be a counter. It's roped off to organize the line. But nobody is in line, and I soon discover there's no hole in the rope. So this whole area is just roped off and inaccessible. Dumb.
I go back to the self machines. A short Japanese woman is staring at the Japanese symbols on the screen hopelessly. She has no idea whats going on. She turns back to me for help. That makes me laugh, and she walks away flustered and confused. I step to the screen and gaze for a moment at the Japanese shit covering it. There's a button in the corner that says "English" and I press it.
I pay for my bag and discover they print my boarding pass too. Sweet. Now I got my ticket, so what do I do with my bag? Dont see anyone to ask so I go down the hallway again. There's a lady down there who tells me to "go to 1."
Ok, 1 it is. I go back to the machines. Theyre clustered together and numbered, with the numbers starting at 2. I look around some more; down at the other end there's a TSA baggage place labeled "area 1." Is this the 1?
I follow a couple people over. The TSA people are like, "yo dawg, you gotta get a label thingy and check it over there." they point to the machines. Back to the machines. I find an unoccupied worker and they check my bag and tell me to just leave it next to some cart. I put it there and stand watching it. Am I supposed to just turn and walk away right now? I stare at my bag until its taken by a worker and tossed onto a conveyor belt. Like luke watching Obi wan go off on his own in the death star, I accept that my checked bag and I now each have our own mission. Hopefully we will meet again.
So I checked my bag. Cool. Feels like I just beat a level in a video game. I'm not totally sure what the next level is, so I decide it's a good time to take a piss.
I walk out of the bathroom and follow some dude who looks like he knows what he's doing to an escalator, and eventually find myself in line for security. Sweet, found the next level. Scott and Jesse adequately prepared me for this stage and I pass through like a seasoned veteran.
Now I'm just sitting and waiting. My plane leaves in 2 hours, hopefully nothing too eventful will happen between now and then.
Adrian out.
I go back to the self machines. A short Japanese woman is staring at the Japanese symbols on the screen hopelessly. She has no idea whats going on. She turns back to me for help. That makes me laugh, and she walks away flustered and confused. I step to the screen and gaze for a moment at the Japanese shit covering it. There's a button in the corner that says "English" and I press it.
I pay for my bag and discover they print my boarding pass too. Sweet. Now I got my ticket, so what do I do with my bag? Dont see anyone to ask so I go down the hallway again. There's a lady down there who tells me to "go to 1."
Ok, 1 it is. I go back to the machines. Theyre clustered together and numbered, with the numbers starting at 2. I look around some more; down at the other end there's a TSA baggage place labeled "area 1." Is this the 1?
I follow a couple people over. The TSA people are like, "yo dawg, you gotta get a label thingy and check it over there." they point to the machines. Back to the machines. I find an unoccupied worker and they check my bag and tell me to just leave it next to some cart. I put it there and stand watching it. Am I supposed to just turn and walk away right now? I stare at my bag until its taken by a worker and tossed onto a conveyor belt. Like luke watching Obi wan go off on his own in the death star, I accept that my checked bag and I now each have our own mission. Hopefully we will meet again.
So I checked my bag. Cool. Feels like I just beat a level in a video game. I'm not totally sure what the next level is, so I decide it's a good time to take a piss.
I walk out of the bathroom and follow some dude who looks like he knows what he's doing to an escalator, and eventually find myself in line for security. Sweet, found the next level. Scott and Jesse adequately prepared me for this stage and I pass through like a seasoned veteran.
Now I'm just sitting and waiting. My plane leaves in 2 hours, hopefully nothing too eventful will happen between now and then.
Adrian out.
The biggest, dirtiest shit I ever took
just dropped into jesses toilet.
Can't wait to see y'all back in Boston, homies.
Can't wait to see y'all back in Boston, homies.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Happy Today To Y'all
Last night I had one of my self aware nights and it sucked at first and I told myself I was done with weed again.
But then I had a zen awareness and felt good again, almost clear headed.
For all the bad thoughts there are many good thoughts.
So I will smoke today, as you all should. And it will be glorious.
One day I will quit.
Today is not that day.
Can I get an AMEN?
But then I had a zen awareness and felt good again, almost clear headed.
For all the bad thoughts there are many good thoughts.
So I will smoke today, as you all should. And it will be glorious.
One day I will quit.
Today is not that day.
Can I get an AMEN?
Friday, April 19, 2013
Life in Boston right now
Things are fucking insane. This shit is going down is right next door. Total city-wide lockdown.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Alone in the Office - Live Blog
9:50AM
Writing live blogs is kinda fun when you're doing boring stuff. Today I have the office to myself, which means no supervisor looking over my shoulder all day. So I'm just gonna explore the deep inner-workings of the internet and hopefully find some cool shit for y'all to look at.
11:31AM
Attempted to talk to one of our editors. As I was walking down the hallway to his office, he popped out and began walking away in the opposite direction. I turned around and came back here...maybe I'll try again later.
12:05PM
Fat Cats and Bigga Fish
And an article about why The Coup is awesome.
1:37PM
Attempt number 2: the editor's door was closed and I could hear him talking on the phone inside. Dammit.
Writing live blogs is kinda fun when you're doing boring stuff. Today I have the office to myself, which means no supervisor looking over my shoulder all day. So I'm just gonna explore the deep inner-workings of the internet and hopefully find some cool shit for y'all to look at.
11:31AM
Attempted to talk to one of our editors. As I was walking down the hallway to his office, he popped out and began walking away in the opposite direction. I turned around and came back here...maybe I'll try again later.
12:05PM
Fat Cats and Bigga Fish
And an article about why The Coup is awesome.
1:37PM
Attempt number 2: the editor's door was closed and I could hear him talking on the phone inside. Dammit.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Monday, April 15, 2013
Sunday, April 14, 2013
An inspirational quote from Argentina
"I didn't say I've given up; I just said I can't."
y'all muthafuggas thought i was done bloggin for the day
bitch this all i do
~~*~~BONUS IMAGE~~*~~
y'all muthafuggas thought i was done bloggin for the day
bitch this all i do
writing my final paper ever - live blog
9:44AM
Ive got three pages down. Only seven to go. Just read an awesome thing about dogs and now I miss my dog a lot. Hopefully he won't die before I make it back to Mass. Anyways, it's 9:40am and I have the whole day ahead of me. Seems like as good a point as any to smoke some weed and take a shower. I'll update this throughout the day I guess. Mainly because I need to procrastinate, because I've read pretty much the whole internet in my last 24 hours of procrastination.
10:57AM
Holy shit. Lots of things just happened. First of all, an hour passed. Fuck! Should get back to paper...but also I was taking a high shower but suddenly found myself feeling kinda shitty-weird like I was gonna pass out or something. So then I dried off real fast and just collapsed down on my bed. Then I thought about where my head-space was, like in space or something, like when Joe used to say he went to the forest. And then I kinda started thinking of a song, and then I was writing it down line by line and it was crazy shit. And I wrote out this whole crazy song, then grabbed my guitar and somehow figured out every chord. And trust me theyre weird fuckin chords. Anyways I suppose it's back to reality/writing my paper. We'll see how this goes.
11:40AM
Yeah I should DEFINITELY get back to that paper.
This music sounds so nice though.
11:54AM
Just made some serious progress. Haven't written anything yet but I DID get up to a 4th page by changing my font back to Cambria. Booyah, baby!!
12:36AM
http://www.reddit.com/r/dragonsfuckingcars
2:08PM
Holy hell. I just discovered the "cite" button on Google Scholar. The time wasted...oh well. I'm almost done with 4 pages. Even though it's a ten page paper, our professor said he "wouldn't take points off if it was only 9." Does this mean he won't take points off if it's only 8? Am I almost halfway done? Can I write another half page by 3pm?
3:00PM
So I was totally expecting the answer to that last question to be "no" but I actually just pulled a little bit more than a half page out of my asshole. Now I'm officially at the unofficial halfway point. In other news, Adrian went for a walk. I might not leave the apartment all day. Also I think I'm officially sober again. Balls.
4:48PM
Sleepy. Lazy. Done with five pages. Listenin to some music before I try to squeeze out another page. Like trying to push out a shit that really isnt even in there. Do they make thought laxatives? Is that just what drugs are?
Four more pages of bullshit and I'll be done with college.
6:44PM
I thought I was making good progress because I wrote another page, but apparently two hours have passed. Three pages left and then I'm done with bullshit schoolwork forever. Three more pages and it's off into the smooth, sunny world of hope and dreams that is post-college life. Three more pages. Three more pages and all my wishes will materialize into reality, and the utopia that awaits beyond the days of college will greet me with open gates and warm smiles from the serene angel-folk who float above the landscape playing harps and gathering daisies. And towering majestic rainbows will replace the gray clouds, and unicorns will fuck in the forests, and the golden fields of glory will flood with unicorn babies, who will feed on the nectar of their mothers' teets and grow strong and bold, and destroy all mediocrity in the universe as they gallop over the horizon of possibilities, making all our dreams come true. Three more pages and my cock will explode forth from my boxer shorts in a boner of the ages, blocking the sun and ushering in a new era of divine bonerdom. And God himself will smile upon the boner as it pierces the clouds of His heavenly kingdom, carrying with it the miracle of human love, bringing all those who see the light together into a triumphant and magical state of bliss.
7:26PM
8:54PM
Two pages short of 9 and I think I'm gonna drink some rum, smoke some wee, and call it a night. This paper isn't due until Wednesday.
Thanks for joining me on this fascinating introspective journey.
Ive got three pages down. Only seven to go. Just read an awesome thing about dogs and now I miss my dog a lot. Hopefully he won't die before I make it back to Mass. Anyways, it's 9:40am and I have the whole day ahead of me. Seems like as good a point as any to smoke some weed and take a shower. I'll update this throughout the day I guess. Mainly because I need to procrastinate, because I've read pretty much the whole internet in my last 24 hours of procrastination.
10:57AM
Holy shit. Lots of things just happened. First of all, an hour passed. Fuck! Should get back to paper...but also I was taking a high shower but suddenly found myself feeling kinda shitty-weird like I was gonna pass out or something. So then I dried off real fast and just collapsed down on my bed. Then I thought about where my head-space was, like in space or something, like when Joe used to say he went to the forest. And then I kinda started thinking of a song, and then I was writing it down line by line and it was crazy shit. And I wrote out this whole crazy song, then grabbed my guitar and somehow figured out every chord. And trust me theyre weird fuckin chords. Anyways I suppose it's back to reality/writing my paper. We'll see how this goes.
11:40AM
Yeah I should DEFINITELY get back to that paper.
This music sounds so nice though.
11:54AM
Just made some serious progress. Haven't written anything yet but I DID get up to a 4th page by changing my font back to Cambria. Booyah, baby!!
12:36AM
http://www.reddit.com/r/dragonsfuckingcars
2:08PM
Holy hell. I just discovered the "cite" button on Google Scholar. The time wasted...oh well. I'm almost done with 4 pages. Even though it's a ten page paper, our professor said he "wouldn't take points off if it was only 9." Does this mean he won't take points off if it's only 8? Am I almost halfway done? Can I write another half page by 3pm?
3:00PM
So I was totally expecting the answer to that last question to be "no" but I actually just pulled a little bit more than a half page out of my asshole. Now I'm officially at the unofficial halfway point. In other news, Adrian went for a walk. I might not leave the apartment all day. Also I think I'm officially sober again. Balls.
4:48PM
Sleepy. Lazy. Done with five pages. Listenin to some music before I try to squeeze out another page. Like trying to push out a shit that really isnt even in there. Do they make thought laxatives? Is that just what drugs are?
Four more pages of bullshit and I'll be done with college.
6:44PM
I thought I was making good progress because I wrote another page, but apparently two hours have passed. Three pages left and then I'm done with bullshit schoolwork forever. Three more pages and it's off into the smooth, sunny world of hope and dreams that is post-college life. Three more pages. Three more pages and all my wishes will materialize into reality, and the utopia that awaits beyond the days of college will greet me with open gates and warm smiles from the serene angel-folk who float above the landscape playing harps and gathering daisies. And towering majestic rainbows will replace the gray clouds, and unicorns will fuck in the forests, and the golden fields of glory will flood with unicorn babies, who will feed on the nectar of their mothers' teets and grow strong and bold, and destroy all mediocrity in the universe as they gallop over the horizon of possibilities, making all our dreams come true. Three more pages and my cock will explode forth from my boxer shorts in a boner of the ages, blocking the sun and ushering in a new era of divine bonerdom. And God himself will smile upon the boner as it pierces the clouds of His heavenly kingdom, carrying with it the miracle of human love, bringing all those who see the light together into a triumphant and magical state of bliss.
7:26PM
8:54PM
Two pages short of 9 and I think I'm gonna drink some rum, smoke some wee, and call it a night. This paper isn't due until Wednesday.
Thanks for joining me on this fascinating introspective journey.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Jesse wanted me to blog this
So I've been on set since quarter of six this morning and it's now 1:45 in the afternoon. I was just sitting with my foot crossed over my opposite knee and I noticed my pants were kinda scrunched and folded over down by my ankle. So I straightened them out and there was still a bulge. I felt inside and pulled out a sock. So apparently I've been walking around set with a sock in my pants for about 8 hours.
Boop poop.
Boop poop.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Po'Tree
Stuck on the East Coast.
Bored out of my mind.
Can't pay attention.
Enthusiasm I can't find.
No regard for humanity,
Just want to drink beer.
Come with me to nowhere,
There is nothing to fear.
I'm going out of my mind.
I can't stay here anymore.
I'm going to explode.
My life is a snore.
This world is boring.
I can't stay here anymore.
This world is tired.
My life is a snore.
Bored out of my mind.
Can't pay attention.
Enthusiasm I can't find.
No regard for humanity,
Just want to drink beer.
Come with me to nowhere,
There is nothing to fear.
I'm going out of my mind.
I can't stay here anymore.
I'm going to explode.
My life is a snore.
This world is boring.
I can't stay here anymore.
This world is tired.
My life is a snore.
Monday, April 8, 2013
poetry
Astronauts compare the heights they fly
With dicks my size.
Fuckin the clear blue open skies.
Shatterin minds.
M’dick’s taller than pines.
Get deeper than mines.
As straight as a line.
My sky-high dick is one-of-a-kind.
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