but dudes!! fucking sick news. I don't know if you know about couchsurfing.com, but its international stay-with-locals-for-free-on-their-couches website, and instead of finding a hostel for Koblenz, Germany, I just found some dude to let me sleep on his couch!
BUT IT GETS BETTER. this dude is like 45, speaks english, rich as shit, has a house on the river, has cerebral palsy (so he has assistants of course), and has a huge ass place, and i get to sleep in his guest room. not only do a get a free awesome place to stay, the plan is rape-proof.
i miss you guys so hard. there is 16 people here in the program, 4 of whom are guys. two of those guys are outrageously gay, and the other one is Jeremy Sender. Jeremy is the fucking shit, but everyone else is a caddy bitch. and one of them tried to get on my dick super hard last weekend, but apparently that was a huge deal caused drama, so the girl stopped trying to get on my dick. now another girl wants to get on my dick, but she is trashy and dumb and lazy
where do you a put my dick?
oh dudes jeremy is the shit. we broken the sacred silence and admitted that we both wanted to have time to masturbate, so we are beginning to work out a schedule.
settle, mr. senator, settle. I was hoping issues like these wouldn't arise while we were away but it was just unavoidable.
ReplyDeleteThe bike throwing incident is normal, it's called Bike Moating. It's just something people do to tell you they want to get to know you. No big deal, Mr. senator.
Staying at that man's place sounds unsafe. I would watch out for his assistants because as you all know, assistants are the ones that always do the dirty work, Mr. Senator.
About the dick situation, put your dick where it wants to be put, in a vagina. You know who is also trashy, dumb, and lazy, your fucking arm, Mr. Senator. Now let your penis enjoy the goods of life and let it enter the vagina, Mr. Senator.
Lastly, working out a schedule is always good. But you should be working out a schedule of when you are going to be fucking girls and not your hands, Mr. Senator.
Mr. Senator from Argentina has spoken.
Mr. Senators, PLEASE!
ReplyDeleteNow, the senator from Argentina has already made the senator from Georgia aware of the "Bike Moating" so I will move straight onto the second issue.
It is obvious that staying with the rich guy IS A TRAP! (Settle now... setttttttle) Indeed it is a trap. If you choose to live with him you will awake one morning raped or without kidneys or, perhaps, both.
As for the referendum on dick location in general, I think the senator from Argentina was very eloquent in saying "enter the vagina, Mr. Senator", Mr. Senators. The issue is not necessarily where in general but whom and WHEN! (Mr. Senators...)
As for schedules, it should be known that being organized is good but remember the cock does not run on a schedule. It is the beating heart of this country and it must be satisfied whenever, however, with-whomever, in-whatever, between-ever, inside-whichever, crossing-however, arriving-there, consequentially, redundancy,redundancy,THANKYOUMR.SENATORS!
ahhahaahhahahahhaah I can't even tell you how funny that was. Jesse, that was spot on.
ReplyDeletecan we make a fake C-Span type channel?
ReplyDeleteNow, being a newer Senator, I have to put my two cents in.
ReplyDeleteIssue two, while it seems rape proof, I give you Xibit (sp?) A:
http://i54.tinypic.com/oid3pu.jpg
Whilst you believe it to be rape proof, need I remind you of what time it always is? This is Germany. They invented Rammstein, Hitler, and the Volkswaggon Beetle. This is a sure fire trap and I agree with Senator Jesse.
I believe I rest my case.
As for the girls, dicks situation. May I suggest as the great Newt Gingrich would, "Threesome". It's sure fire. Just get some Absinthe and it's already "in the bag"- Newt.
Masturbation is tricky. I tended to masturbate when I knew my roommate was in class as to avoid getting caught (and it worked 100% of the time nearly every time). Senator from Georgia, you may make your schedule, but this might escalate the situation even higher due to the fact that you will know when Mr. Sender will maybe be masturbating and vice-versa. Now, a great man, who also happened to be Mr. Sender once told me the best way to hide a boner was in a woman's vagina. Juss Sayin'.
Good day, dear Senator. Have an awesome rest of your trip.
Senators... please, senators, settle.... Will the senators settle, please...Mr...Senators!... SENATORS!!!!
ReplyDelete... Thank you...
Now.
Let it be known that I am living in extremely close quarters with these potential penis caves. If I enter into the wrong one at the wrong time, there will be... undesired consequences...
SENATORS SETTLE!!!
Not to say that it won't be immensely pleasurable, but upon exiting this cave, there will be enraged bitches. I will potentially lose friends, create rivalries, put pressure on Jeremy to give me time in the room, and be pressured to have tons of sex with something that I don't like at all. If we all remember the Senator from Syracuse's experience with Melina, he had to continue hooking up with her even when he didn't want to.
Settle.
But Senators, please, this is not to say that I won't go for it. Far from it. I am honestly not sure what will happen, but I need to put my dick in a vagina. But I simply want to let it be known that the Senator from Georgia truly is... behind enemy lines on this one. This is a hostile territory, and I need be careful.
Good day to you, sirs.