Jello Shots

So last night me and my friend's brother made over 200 jello shots...let me say that again...we made over 200 jello shots...in my kitchen...it was like a meth-lab in my kitchen. At one point my grandma did a jello shot with a spoon. It was disgusting.

Then me and my friends decided, "Hey, we should get some beer and call up chicks." Basically the plan was as follows; Get Drunk. Get Fucked.

So when estimating the quantity of libations needed, it was proposed around 60 beers.

"Yo, bro. How much shit do we need?" "I don't know, like a 30, or something." "Yeah, a rail." "Yo, a rail won't even get the 3 of us drunk." "You're right." "Absolutely." "So a rail and a 12?" "Yeah." "Yeah." "Wait...but we gotta have enough to get us drunk and get bitches fucked up, too." "He's right." "Damn straight." "2 rails, please."

With 60 beers in hand, we set off into the night looking for a grand spectacle of imbibation. An hour and 200 text messages to any contact in your cell phone that hinted at having a vagina later, we found ourselves sitting in Toph's basement solemnly cracking Bud Lights. But then a girl showed up...nay...2 girls...and it was on. Things got wild, and things got tricky. The turns of the night went something like this; We need to get beer, get girls and get fucked up! We got the beer, where are the girls? We have 60 beers and there's only 3 of us. The girls aren't coming...drink. Some girls are coming? Well fuck! There's kind of a lot of people here. Holy shit, Toph, there's a lot of people in your fucking house! house! Dude, this is fucking bumpin'. Jello shots! I'm drunk. Everyone's drunk. ALkjodjoijajfs. Holy shit, it's 5am--time to make tacquitos. We're out of beer? How is that even possible? We bought SIXTY BEERS! zzzzzzz.

At one point, I ended up making out with a girl sitting on my friend's lap...it was semi-homo-erotic and as close to verging on an eiffel tower as I ever want to get, I must admit. Now it's 1pm the next day and I'm not sure if I'm sober. I am sure, however, that I'm going to pass out for the next 5 hours.

Adrian, here's some tips. Fly that scar flag high. Buy a leather jacket. Buy tight black jeans. Cuff your jeans far too high. Put a skateboard bearing over your marriage finger. Wear business socks. Act aloof. Don't speak to anyone. Just drink heavily. When anyone tries to offend you, just look at them.........and then take a drink (don't break eye contact). Only speak to women with eyebrow movements or subtle hand motions. Don't give a fuck. When all else fails, give them the bird.