Argentina's Dating Tips

I've been kinda-maybe dating this girl, and I gotta say, I have one man to thank for my successes.  Without the invaluable dating-wisdom dished out by our own Argentina, I'd surely be floundering in a sea of my own loneliness.  So without further ado, let's get to 'em.

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TIP #1: "You gotta look good."

This one really saved me some hassle and heartbreak.  When you're spending an evening out with that potential special-someone, there's one thing that matters above all else; and that thing is looks.  Looking good is what separates the miserable, ignorant masses from the elite and euphoric models of human capacity.  Without a hot, sexy image, only one thing is for certain: you are nobody.  Unless dying alone is the end for which you seek, you should be hitting up the mall unceasingly, lest you find yourself wearing last month's fashion or even worse, dressing like a pathetic plebeian who has never even considered the significance of color-matching.  Any time spent away from optimizing your outward appearance is simply a waste of life, so get your shit together and look good.

TIP #2: "You have to be energized."

Again, my man really came through in the clutch with this one.  I know that most fellas new to the game might think of a drowsy, sleepy lady as the perfect date, but this is where talking to a seasoned-pro like Argentina pays dividends.  According to Arge, women actually prefer their date to be awake.  I'm still unclear on exactly how this one works, but here are the essentials: if you are conscious and sentient during the time spent with your lady-friend, then in some way you may actually stand a better chance of making a "positive impression."  Argentina suggests sleeping before the date, thus allowing your brain to be cognizant whilst your body is in proximity to the female's.  Follow this tip and who knows, you may even end up speaking together!

TIP #3: "Tell her you love her...?"

This is a tried and tested strataGEM in the world of dating.  When you're testing the waters with a new girl, there can be some uncertainty as to how the water feels.  Many novices spend this period of uncertainty trying to get to know their new partner, escalating the relationship at a steady pace that both members are comfortable with.  This is wrong.  There is only one correct method of closing out a fun and casual first date: tell her that you love her.  Let's face it, girls love love.  Before The Beatles were making real music, they sang a bunch of songs about love, and girls literally lost their shit.  Even armed policemen were no match for the lunacy unleashed by girls hearing the word "love" a lot.  And as we all know, wondering what someone thinks of you can lead to all sorts of anxiety, paranoia, and uneasiness.  Telling your date that you are in love with her will immediately ease all her worries, allowing a new romance to blossom unrestrained by the bounds of reason.

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This concludes the priceless pointers handed down to me from Dating Guru Argentina.  May each and every one of you follow these tips to a happier future filled with devoted passion and passionate devotion.  I love you all!

-Adrian