Thoughts from last night

I got high. These are the three thoughts I wrote down on my phone.

1. If bacteria and viruses end up killing out the human race, it will put our planet into a new age of evolution.

2. I just used tagging correctly on instagram. I tagged the person I wanted to see my post on someone's photo of them.

3. The point of humanity up until now has truly been about separating ourselves and gain individuality through violence. Now, in our most interconnected times, we should be fighting for peace and love and to remain interconnected to better live on into the future. Any way to save this world is benefit to humanity and will be for the betterment of our species.

All Around, A Terrible Day

Let me begin with a statement that nothing horrendous happened in my life today. No one died, I didn't get hurt (or die, for that matter), the world was the world, it was a typical Monday in America.

My day was terrible because it wasn't positive. And because it wasn't positive, that doesn't mean it was inherently negative. This is just me meditating on my day and remembering all that happened:







See all that blank space above? That was my day. My day was a void. Nothing. Nothing happened. Nothing good. Nothing bad.

I wasted my day. I woke up at 1, a usual on my days of no work. I made eggs. I downloaded Cosmos. I played Hearthstone while listening to Duncan Trussel. Now, this is where my day got derailed. I had never listened to Duncan before today, but Adrian and Jesse were talking about it and I finally remembered his name. But he started talking about spring, and positive and negative, and doing things with lives. What am I doing with my life? Nothing.

I've essentially relived the same day every day for the past few weeks, with a few alterations and exciting things, but when it boils down to it, I'm wasting my days.

So I made the following comic as I was listening to Duncan talk about psychedelic

drugs and life:

Am I the best version of me out there? No. There is a Josh in multiple parallel universes who have it so much better than me. But the original thought that spurred this comic is what I am saying at the top right: "I think I might be afraid of happiness." Duncan said this and it got me thinking about happiness and comfort and mistaking one for the other.

I'm comfortable guys, except I'm not. I'm about as uncomfortable a person who lives in comfort can be. I'm floating in limbo. I need to change and I know this. So what I did for the rest of the day was wallow in the awful. I did absolutely nothing. I didn't shower, I haven't brushed my teeth, I jerked off, I cooked dinner, I watched Hannibal, and I drew a nude self portrait. I bored myself. To tears. All in hopes to teach myself a lesson.

Hopefully tomorrow I fill in for Mike at Division and feel a sense of purpose. If not, tomorrow is going to be an interesting day and a blog-worthy one at that. Will I skate? Will I go to Samy's to buy film and try and get my light-meter fixed on my SLR? Will I go food shopping? Will I just run and never stop? Will I scream at the top of my lungs and hate my own guts? Or will I sit, in comfort, and wonder if I'll ever break this cycle of awfulness.

We'll see.

Bonus: Nude Self Portrait. (Not Really Safe for Work. I covered up my dick, though. (or did I? (I didn't you can see my balls.))): http://i.imgur.com/p648nLN.png

Not my best work, but if I keep trying, I know I can be mediocre.

Waddup, fuckers

Drawing 04

Drawing 03

Drawing 02

Drawing